Lesson Number One

clear thoughts

Take a little more time and think through the story. Consoladate some of the one line paragrahs into a longer smoother reading unit.

Refreshingly different

I understand the previous comment, about consolidating and smoothing. I'm thinking that filling out would be at least as useful.

I've been trying to figure out how to write (better) myself, paying attention to the mechanics of how people who have been published, and whose work I enjoy, fill out a story. I recall a tongue-in-cheek assertion by Mark Twain along the lines of "there is no weather in this book," claiming that most people can't write weather well anyway. A lot of what I read and enjoy has weather in it, and other elements creating an atmosphere, physical and psychological. One of the things that I wrote recently was, like your piece, almost completely dialog-driven. Both that piece and yours would benefit from some more atmosphere.

The relationship between sex and love is one that is seldom explored here, from what I've seen. For that matter, what love is or isn't seems to be a subject largely ignored. Perhaps appropriate for this site, but it's still a nice change to see someone going into those subjects. Much more interesting than just another stroke fantasy.

The issue of the future of the first couple that was introduced is interesting. I'm assuming, and hoping, that you're going to follow up on that.

Will there be more?????

Not your usual precise style of writing but interesting none the less! Learning to love by being loved is a theme worth exploring. I look forward to a continuation! Pete.

Not your best work, but interesting anyway...

Hi,

I accepted the story at face value on the first read through. But then I began to think about it. If both kissing partners really follow the "rule" set in the story, then the result will be just as if a double sided mirror was placed between them, neither one of them would get anything out of it except the reflection. I agree that Mark was selfish and wrong headed, but I don't believe a complete reversal is right either.

Love, sexual or otherwise is a joint effort and each feeds off the other with the result being greater than the sum of the individual efforts. Love that is all giving is just as bad as an emotion that is all taking.

The forgoing spawned the following thoughts. Love in isolation tends to fade while on the other hand hate in isolation tends to grow.

-- srgeek --

Right on!

Thanks for the lesson, your contribution is appreciated. Keep up the great writing and the profound messages.

A kiss is...

...Just a kiss, or so a previous poster seems to think. Unfortunately they missed the point of the lesson. Love is not a zero sum game. If you pour all your love into a kiss, or any action for that matter, and they do the same, the multiplier that amplifies that love between you is staggering. Literally in some instances. Thank you Scorpio for reminding me.

Life and Love

The one thought that keeps coming back to me as I read your stories is a bit of a story in itself. When I was in the military in the early 70's I came home for leave and was in the airport in Portland, Or. An attractive young lady approached me and ask me where I was going, I replied that I was going home. She wanted to know if I wanted to go with her and meet her friends. I wanted to, but I had a plane to catch and thus ended the conversation and left to my plane. I gave that a lot of thought that day on the plane and a number of times since. I believed that she was a member of Hare Krishna, a cult of sorts that I wasn't really familiar with. My belief of that and many other cults was that you had to sacrifice all your worldly posessions to the cult and in return you would become a member and get sex. This story would resurface in my mind everytime a cult would be in the news. James Jones in Guyana, the Haley-Bopp comet, and so on. I would think that I made the right choice as I didn't want to die. But I never heard of Hare Krishna's dying. So I still wonder what I may have missed and what life would be like if I had taken that chance almost 40 yars ago. After reading your stories I think that what they were offering is much like how Nick and his lovers love and live. It's as if you are your own cult, so to speak.
I enjoy reading your stories and learning from them, please keep writing! Do you want to...........dou1t2

Wow! I needed this.

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

Thank you, teacher.

well designed and executed -

It is the story you seem to rely on so consistently - and it is an idea that is so easy to grasp and live on a fundamental level if given the chance.

However most of the people in the world around you cannot grasp it nor want to acknowledge it - no cult intended just giving and love - it is altruistic to enth degree and that does not work well in modern society - just look around we are required to look out forr us first - it is just wrong but ....

It should be that easy for real people -

Too many people need to be dragged to the table to just actually care about someone besides themselves - never mind acknowledging that love is something to be given freely - without requirements -

Relationships have requirements Love should not - and I am not just an old hippie here -

Lesson #1

I understand the intent and agree, I'm not sure I like the presentation. I am 77 and not sure I could accept the change.
Ed Grocott
edgrocott@gmail.com

You made your point very well. I may not have liked the method, but there are other ways to do it your way is as good as any.
Ed Grocott