Deeper Water: Bella's First Time

great!

I read this chapter in the book over and over and was trying in my head to put it into to the words you just did. i am not a writer so i couldnt get it all out the way you did! Good Work keep it up. Maybe do a story on the chapter where they make love when she becomes a vampire!

Continuity!

Not bad, but a single glaring mistake; they start out in the water, then he lays her on the wet sand.

Sex ensues...and as they finish, he grasps...a mattress?

Wait, what? When did they relocate from outside sand to a bed?

Great!!

This is just what I was looking for :)
I was a little nervous at the beginning as with all fan fiction it can stray far away from the original characters and story but you did a superb job keeping Bella and Edward in character. Wonderful. Please write more!

Worthy of being the missing chapter!

This is like the lost chapters of "Breaking Dawn". It's how I imagined the scene in my mind - perfectly written and totally hot!

Great!

So I could have done without the word "snatch"...seems a little too 70s porn for this story, but otherwise flawless! Definitely put the fantasy into words!

Nicely Done!

I think everyone understands why Stephenie Meyer left the actual wedding night scene out of Breaking Dawn, but nonetheless, I've missed it not being there.

You did very well with your portrayal, deftly staying true to Edward and Bella's personalities and mannerisms, and to the storyline. You've come very close here to writing the scene exactly the way it would have been written if the series had been intended for adult readers. Bravo! Thank you!

Bravo!

This was the perfect interpretation that we all wanted to read in Breaking Dawn. If S. Meyer had re-written another version of the book for adult readers so that this scene could be included, I think that it would be just like this. Thanks, and hopefully you will come up with some other one's from Breaking Dawn and just about the Saga in general. I look forward to more. Bravo! :D

I loved this so much. I am a huge fan of Stephenie Meyer, and i wish she would have included more details in the last book :)

Perfect

I just finished reading Breaking Dawn yesterday, I was well warned by my friends who had read it for me that I didn't need to expect any details on the "wedding night" yet I was still a little dissapointed. However... I had found your story a couple of months before and I had saved it under my favorites and now I just feel like printing it out and adding this as another page (or maybe 2 pages) in the book. It's perfect, sooooo Bella and Edward the way you described their feelings, their words.

I so wish Stephanie Meyer would just get over her: sex is evil attitude and write an adult version of Breaking Dawn, come on she spend 3 books on racing the sexual tension between Edward and Bella, creating an almost burning atmosphere of urges, desires an almost forbidden longing. And in the end, we get squad, let's hope they get some real action in the movie ;) And all those prude little americans should just get a grip and wait until they feel they are "mature" enough to handle a little erotica

Bravo!

Well done! The book was disappointing when it came to the love-making scenes. You've managed to fill in the blanks very well!