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English
Confussing
Not well written, not erotic. Didn't like it, sorry.
Not enough to begin
There is not enough of the story to actually make a determination of good or bad or indifferent. You may want to consider at least writing 2 pages. Never try to tease with a first story. Get it going, write at least 2 pages or more and then let the chips fall and you will find out if you are good writer or not.
There is a hint...
of a story, but only a hint. Why submit so little?
Unsatisfied...
The title is very appropriate and I think it kind of sums up how I was left feeling after reading it. Why didn't you write a bit more? No worries, I'd really like to see some more so please give us chapter 2.
BTW - Pay no attention to the 'Confussing' comment. This type of feedback isn't constructive. Keep writing!
it was ok
I think it could be better. If you added more then I think I would have rated it higher. I think it could probably turn into a good story if it were longer. I would continue to read if you did that
CONTINUE
i think it has the makings of a good story i think you should continue.. at least give us one more chapter...
Keep it up
It has potential, i think you should keep writing and keep developing your skills because you may have something here with this story
Keep it cumming!!!!
Not too thrilled with the "teaser" beginning but not enough stories written on this site about black women getting their cheat on and being slutty so bring it on!! P.S dont take too long to post other parts. Its been 2 days since I read part 1 and pt 2 is not posted yet. Losing interest fast so come with it!
I think that you may have the start of something
Just make sure that the point of the story is clear and concise. But Demitri sounds sexy so I would like to see you continue. Good first try.
Good start......
for a first story. Don't let negative comments get you down, writing is not as easy as some with harsh criticism may think. My only comment would be to edit more carefully.
Looking forward to reading more.
Intriguing
The jabbing drew me in, I look forward to more.
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