I didn't find this story very well written or erotic, but I see it's your first submission. If you keep writing and keep reading well-written stories to see how it's done you will eventually get better at it. Don't get discouraged by the negative comments. If you really enjoy writing then keep writing!
by
Anonymous06/14/09
Uh
Another story where the writer brags on dick size.
by
Anonymous06/14/09
You could make it a bit more believable
by
Anonymous06/14/09
Holy 'Grail'..!!
I don't think a story can get any worse than this one and I only read the first two paragraphs. Thinks females are only good for one thing and that he is the best at banging "Gold".! What a bunch of ""CRAP""*.!! Do you still read Comic books.?? You could possibly even learn something from 'them' about writing.*- God I hope so.
by
Anonymous06/14/09
A Suggested Checklist
hotscripter2009, Here's a checklist you need to follow:
a.) more school (particularly writing classes),
b.) learn to use Spell Check,
c.) read a good erotic story to get an example of how erotic stories should be
written,
d.) let someone (preferably more than one person) who can write, review it and
make corrections/suggestions
e.) make the suggested corrections,
f.) try again
by
Anonymous06/14/09
Can't even spell the title right!
Even if you can't write well - Spell check it!
by
Anonymous06/14/09
pure trash
you know it's going to be a time waster when the author can't even spell the title correctly. Don't give up your day job.
This story is obviously a first attempt by a writer whose first language is not English. Though it is flawed, I think people could be a little less critical.
That being said, a few simple rules for a better story...
1) The protagonist should not be self-centered or self-agrandizing.
2) Each character should make the reader feel something.
3)Sentence structure should adhere to the "subject/verb/object" formula.
It seemed like reading a comic strip. As if it was written during a nascar pit stop. or the author was double parked maybe. Slow down, and concentrate more on the characters than just the sex. Make the people that you're writing real to the reader. Write about love and the feelings that the character is having while he is fucking the shit out of his mom. Fall back on the experence of sex that you have had and take those erotic feelings and put them in words. It's evident that there is a passion for writing, and we always need more authors, so keep writing and I'll keep reading. You're writing my favorite genre, I love to read about a young man having sex with his mom.I voted 75% for the effort of writing the story and the work of getting on the network.......Rich
The story had a lot of potential but the story went at the speed of Nascar. SLOW DOWN! If you are in that much of a rush to write it, then write it another day. Sounds like you were trying to get it done before someone busted you.
Like I said, it has potential but man you went way too fast.
As far as the dick size, people are taking these fucking stories way too seriously to be bitching about something like dick size!
I'm really sorry too say this, and I hate critizing anyone, but this is a really bad story. Before you write another, read some from great authors like, BaroneSade, Ahabscribe, and rgjohn. I'm not asking you to stop,just learn from them.
I got news for ya', dude, the average length cock is between 5 and 6 inches. And that includes all races and ethnics groups.
by
Anonymous06/17/09
Yet Another High School Dropout Posing As A Writer
Leave writing to EDUCATED people, for the love of god!
by
Anonymous01/02/10
come on, give the guy a break!
Have any of the hyper-negative asshole commenters noticed that the author lists his age as 18-22? He's likely to be closer to his hero's age of 19. This is Mr. Hotscripter's first contribution. So, what? You want this creative young man to curdle up and crawl away, never to try his hand at another story of hot motherfucking? Truly, you are short-sighted assholes. For a first effort this was fine; whatever nitpicking faults there may be are more than compensated for by the enthusiasm the author shows for a son shoving his stiff dick up his own mother's twat. Mr. Hotscripter's evident passion is fueled by his hot young balls, stimulated to the max by the idea of a boy plowing his own birth canal and unloading his balls up the cunt he popped out of. So, assholes, keep your destructive remarks to yourselves, and, please, Mr. Hotscripter, let your imagination roam free, indulge your dreams of fucking the shit out of dear old mom, and allow reasonable readers to enjoy your contributions in the future.
by
Anonymous06/28/11
Good story
Are you going to grace us with some more?
Please do!
English
pathetic
words fail me as they obviously failed the "writer?!?!"
Story Sucks
Not enough detail on seducing his mom. Needs more, lots more.
What is a fethish?
Unfortunately, that was only the beginning of the problems with this story.
Keep writing!
I didn't find this story very well written or erotic, but I see it's your first submission. If you keep writing and keep reading well-written stories to see how it's done you will eventually get better at it. Don't get discouraged by the negative comments. If you really enjoy writing then keep writing!
Uh
Another story where the writer brags on dick size.
You could make it a bit more believable
Holy 'Grail'..!!
I don't think a story can get any worse than this one and I only read the first two paragraphs. Thinks females are only good for one thing and that he is the best at banging "Gold".! What a bunch of ""CRAP""*.!! Do you still read Comic books.?? You could possibly even learn something from 'them' about writing.*- God I hope so.
A Suggested Checklist
hotscripter2009, Here's a checklist you need to follow:
a.) more school (particularly writing classes),
b.) learn to use Spell Check,
c.) read a good erotic story to get an example of how erotic stories should be
written,
d.) let someone (preferably more than one person) who can write, review it and
make corrections/suggestions
e.) make the suggested corrections,
f.) try again
Can't even spell the title right!
Even if you can't write well - Spell check it!
pure trash
you know it's going to be a time waster when the author can't even spell the title correctly. Don't give up your day job.
Vicious Critics
This story is obviously a first attempt by a writer whose first language is not English. Though it is flawed, I think people could be a little less critical.
That being said, a few simple rules for a better story...
1) The protagonist should not be self-centered or self-agrandizing.
2) Each character should make the reader feel something.
3)Sentence structure should adhere to the "subject/verb/object" formula.
HOLY COW Batman
It seemed like reading a comic strip. As if it was written during a nascar pit stop. or the author was double parked maybe. Slow down, and concentrate more on the characters than just the sex. Make the people that you're writing real to the reader. Write about love and the feelings that the character is having while he is fucking the shit out of his mom. Fall back on the experence of sex that you have had and take those erotic feelings and put them in words. It's evident that there is a passion for writing, and we always need more authors, so keep writing and I'll keep reading. You're writing my favorite genre, I love to read about a young man having sex with his mom.I voted 75% for the effort of writing the story and the work of getting on the network.......Rich
Take a remedial English course before .....
submitting any more stories.
What is this? Cliff Notes?
The story had a lot of potential but the story went at the speed of Nascar. SLOW DOWN! If you are in that much of a rush to write it, then write it another day. Sounds like you were trying to get it done before someone busted you.
Like I said, it has potential but man you went way too fast.
As far as the dick size, people are taking these fucking stories way too seriously to be bitching about something like dick size!
Really Bad
I'm really sorry too say this, and I hate critizing anyone, but this is a really bad story. Before you write another, read some from great authors like, BaroneSade, Ahabscribe, and rgjohn. I'm not asking you to stop,just learn from them.
"Average" length cock?
I got news for ya', dude, the average length cock is between 5 and 6 inches. And that includes all races and ethnics groups.
Yet Another High School Dropout Posing As A Writer
Leave writing to EDUCATED people, for the love of god!
come on, give the guy a break!
Have any of the hyper-negative asshole commenters noticed that the author lists his age as 18-22? He's likely to be closer to his hero's age of 19. This is Mr. Hotscripter's first contribution. So, what? You want this creative young man to curdle up and crawl away, never to try his hand at another story of hot motherfucking? Truly, you are short-sighted assholes. For a first effort this was fine; whatever nitpicking faults there may be are more than compensated for by the enthusiasm the author shows for a son shoving his stiff dick up his own mother's twat. Mr. Hotscripter's evident passion is fueled by his hot young balls, stimulated to the max by the idea of a boy plowing his own birth canal and unloading his balls up the cunt he popped out of. So, assholes, keep your destructive remarks to yourselves, and, please, Mr. Hotscripter, let your imagination roam free, indulge your dreams of fucking the shit out of dear old mom, and allow reasonable readers to enjoy your contributions in the future.
Good story
Are you going to grace us with some more?
Please do!
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