Enjoyed reading this story..loved the inclusion of the boyfriend in this too...can see myself as a bi curious male in both situations..being raped as well as watching a gf/exgf get taken by the creature...very nice story! Enjoyed it a lot...
The story was way too short, about like saying "In the beginning the world was without form then 2 billion years later, there are millions of plants, animals, and people." The story started out promising to take the reader through a descriptive vision of a second-by-second telling of events, then dropped the ball by saying that both the girl and boyfriend got fucked by a creature (all in only about 5-6 paragraphs). This story would probably have been better if it had enough details for a page-and-a-half instead of half-a-page.
If you are going to write, do so as if the reader were blind and deaf and you are trying to convey, in detail, a description of the sights and sounds around you. See how some of the other stories on the site have given you a good background for the story, then carried you along with details as if you were right there with the writer.
Keep at it and see if you can improve on you stories. You can respond back if you want to knock around some ideas.
by
Anonymous07/07/10
prequel?
I would love to hear about the eric's encounter with the tentacles
by
Anonymous09/30/11
Sequel
I would love to see more of this.
by
Anonymous12/04/13
Sequel
Write a new chapter. This was fucking phenomenal. Great job!
by
Anonymous01/31/16
Needs Work
Maybe a writing class might come in handy. Fine idea, rather badly told. Better luck next time.
English
Loved it
Enjoyed reading this story..loved the inclusion of the boyfriend in this too...can see myself as a bi curious male in both situations..being raped as well as watching a gf/exgf get taken by the creature...very nice story! Enjoyed it a lot...
MenaTV
Story telling could use some work
The story was way too short, about like saying "In the beginning the world was without form then 2 billion years later, there are millions of plants, animals, and people." The story started out promising to take the reader through a descriptive vision of a second-by-second telling of events, then dropped the ball by saying that both the girl and boyfriend got fucked by a creature (all in only about 5-6 paragraphs). This story would probably have been better if it had enough details for a page-and-a-half instead of half-a-page.
If you are going to write, do so as if the reader were blind and deaf and you are trying to convey, in detail, a description of the sights and sounds around you. See how some of the other stories on the site have given you a good background for the story, then carried you along with details as if you were right there with the writer.
Keep at it and see if you can improve on you stories. You can respond back if you want to knock around some ideas.
prequel?
I would love to hear about the eric's encounter with the tentacles
Sequel
I would love to see more of this.
Sequel
Write a new chapter. This was fucking phenomenal. Great job!
Needs Work
Maybe a writing class might come in handy. Fine idea, rather badly told. Better luck next time.
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