Wasn't 100 material but was pretty good. I think if you extended it to anal that would really set me off and probably get you a 100. But we all have our fetishes.
by
Anonymous06/25/09
Not bad but...
PLEASE!!! Find yourself an editor. Just because a word isn't caught by spell-check doesn't mean it's the right word. There are numerous grammar/wrong word errors that render the story nearly unreadable. It IS a hot story though, it just needs to be edited better.
by
Anonymous06/26/09
Mediocre at best
1) The whole "Dad, visiting from out of town orders a hooker only to find out it is his daughter" has been done so often it's practically a cliche, and this added nothing new.
2) You need more help than what you can get from an editor. An editor should be used to catch the random mistakes. You have problems with the basics, which a any would be writer on any level should have, e.g., the utter lack of quotation marks.
Too many commas and colons instead of periods. Run-on sentences. Poor word usage. Unclear meanings. Awkward phrasing. Nebulous meanings.
hotel near by (nearby)
rather then risk running (than)
I was rather board (bored)
I found an add that caught my attention. (ad)
I rang to business and organized for one of the ladies to come to my room. (Awkwardly worded)
quickly through it down (threw)
planed only to do it for a further few months. (planned)
late into the night and I was getting tied (tired)
Lying their was not very comfortable (there)
put more cloths on (clothes)
her hand drifted down as she plated with her lips (played)
she is in the throws of an orgasm (throes)
I gave the last few stocked of my tongue. (unknown meaning)
I wasn't quite ready for a next (unknown meaning)
as well as her self was erotic (herself)
the (-,) movements getting faster with each thrust
Mr. Smith was the pseudo name (pseudonym)
felt the head slid into her pussy and knew that it was the point of no return. (slide)
Candy continued to lower herself until I was complete inside her (completely)
fuck your sluty daughter (slutty)
English
TAKING CATHY DEEP AND HARD
AN A AMAZING VERY EROTIC STORY EXCELLENT WRITING AND AN SO AWESOME AND EXCITING. CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE FOLLOW UP PARTS VERY SOON.
Not bad...
Wasn't 100 material but was pretty good. I think if you extended it to anal that would really set me off and probably get you a 100. But we all have our fetishes.
Not bad but...
PLEASE!!! Find yourself an editor. Just because a word isn't caught by spell-check doesn't mean it's the right word. There are numerous grammar/wrong word errors that render the story nearly unreadable. It IS a hot story though, it just needs to be edited better.
Mediocre at best
1) The whole "Dad, visiting from out of town orders a hooker only to find out it is his daughter" has been done so often it's practically a cliche, and this added nothing new.
2) You need more help than what you can get from an editor. An editor should be used to catch the random mistakes. You have problems with the basics, which a any would be writer on any level should have, e.g., the utter lack of quotation marks.
GOOD WRITING DESERVES GOOD LANGAUGE USE (0 *'S)
Too many commas and colons instead of periods. Run-on sentences. Poor word usage. Unclear meanings. Awkward phrasing. Nebulous meanings.
hotel near by (nearby)
rather then risk running (than)
I was rather board (bored)
I found an add that caught my attention. (ad)
I rang to business and organized for one of the ladies to come to my room. (Awkwardly worded)
quickly through it down (threw)
planed only to do it for a further few months. (planned)
late into the night and I was getting tied (tired)
Lying their was not very comfortable (there)
put more cloths on (clothes)
her hand drifted down as she plated with her lips (played)
she is in the throws of an orgasm (throes)
I gave the last few stocked of my tongue. (unknown meaning)
I wasn't quite ready for a next (unknown meaning)
as well as her self was erotic (herself)
the (-,) movements getting faster with each thrust
Mr. Smith was the pseudo name (pseudonym)
felt the head slid into her pussy and knew that it was the point of no return. (slide)
Candy continued to lower herself until I was complete inside her (completely)
fuck your sluty daughter (slutty)
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