You are getting better.Im really digging the story it will be interesting to see how things play out between the roommates and Demtri. Only advice I have for you so far is double check your work there were a couple mistakes but not many. Anyways keep the story coming
I agree you are getting a bit better with the progression of this story, but I think you need an editor to tweak your vision just a bit. I think the plot is interesting, I can't wait to see what is in store for Demetri, Jamison, and Nikki, especially since you added Ciara into the mix! Talk about complicated this is going to be one hell of a lovers' triangle here. However, I think you need more of a backstory for the characters and their relationship to each other and more dialogue to push this story over the edge because the concept is good.
by
Anonymous07/04/09
Definitely better
Big improvement. Keep writing.
by
Anonymous07/04/09
Needs an editor but there's definitely potential
Keep writing and maybe also make the submissions a bit longer. Good start!
i loved this story but its taking to long for other chapters i want to see where this goes so please finish this story thank u
by
Anonymous09/06/09
unsatisfied
is there going to be anymore chapters for this story ive been waiting to see if she gets with him please have more
by
Anonymous09/04/10
I think that your style of writting is very good and I want to know more about these characters but please reread your story and fix the typos.
There are several times where the word she is used instead of he and Jamison pulls out his "self phone" instead of "cell phone", for example.
I believe I am done with this series. It has taken me a while to write and now I want to start off new. I'm glad that some of you enjoyed it. I new story of mine has been submitted and I am waiting on it to be approved. I full intend to write more on that series. Send feedback if you have any more questions.
English
Interesting
You are getting better.Im really digging the story it will be interesting to see how things play out between the roommates and Demtri. Only advice I have for you so far is double check your work there were a couple mistakes but not many. Anyways keep the story coming
Interesting triangle here....
I agree you are getting a bit better with the progression of this story, but I think you need an editor to tweak your vision just a bit. I think the plot is interesting, I can't wait to see what is in store for Demetri, Jamison, and Nikki, especially since you added Ciara into the mix! Talk about complicated this is going to be one hell of a lovers' triangle here. However, I think you need more of a backstory for the characters and their relationship to each other and more dialogue to push this story over the edge because the concept is good.
Definitely better
Big improvement. Keep writing.
Needs an editor but there's definitely potential
Keep writing and maybe also make the submissions a bit longer. Good start!
I like it!
Please keep writing!I hope you update soon.
I like it!
Please keep writing!I hope you update soon.
i like
keep it coming
unsatisfied
i loved this story but its taking to long for other chapters i want to see where this goes so please finish this story thank u
unsatisfied
is there going to be anymore chapters for this story ive been waiting to see if she gets with him please have more
I think that your style of writting is very good and I want to know more about these characters but please reread your story and fix the typos.
There are several times where the word she is used instead of he and Jamison pulls out his "self phone" instead of "cell phone", for example.
Finished
I believe I am done with this series. It has taken me a while to write and now I want to start off new. I'm glad that some of you enjoyed it. I new story of mine has been submitted and I am waiting on it to be approved. I full intend to write more on that series. Send feedback if you have any more questions.
Thanks
Continue
Please continue this I want to know how the weekend went!
finish!
i know it's been awhile but is it possible for you to finish this story!
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