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Decent
Of course, i wish there had been more. :) This looks like a good start, so I'm looking forward to the background. This could benefit from either an editor or just a final read. There are punctuation problems (mostly lack of commas) that make it seem very rushed.
More than One Mistake
Too short. Think of all the backstory, all the possible character development that could have been there. Good basic idea, but unsatisfying.
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