All Comments on 'Manifesto'

by Sapphos Sister

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  • 7 Comments
PhaonsBrotherPhaonsBrotherover 14 years ago
Someone, I tell you, in another time

will remember us.

Epmd607Epmd607over 14 years ago
I liked the sentiment

but there was too much repetition of one or two thoughts. I like your 'elopement' poem alot.

DreamyLeerDreamyLeerover 14 years ago
meh.

so youre forcing your poetry into a place it doesnt fit. this poem covers a topic thats important but it does it poorly. the style is affected and your rhythm is plain off or at least uninspiring. of your duo, phaon has the more interesting voice but you clearly have poetic talent. i also flat out think that these poems back and forth from dead folks lack spark because youre not saying anything interesting. i dont feel a thousand years of perspective ringing in your poems. i reiterate that this poem is a sin against god and your own talent. its ok to try and fail. but whats the definition of madness? id rather hear what marilyn monroe or bettie paige have to say than one more poem about sappho.

TzaraTzaraover 14 years ago
As I've said before,

I quite like your poems. You handle meter and form well, though your poems always seem a bit retro to me, almost like they were written 80, 90 years ago (well, except for the theme ;-) ).<p>

My suggestion would be that you try to write something more "contemporary," whatever that means. Free verse, for sure. You have an excellent sense of rhythm, and free verse really needs that to give it some kind of structure.<p>

But, on the other hand, if you want to keep doing what you're doing, that obviously is OK too. You write this kind of poem well, and I enjoy reading them.

EroticOrogenyEroticOrogenyover 14 years ago
Worthwhile statement

but this poem seems to lack the punch of some of your other recent work.

vrosej10vrosej10over 14 years ago
~

I normally love your work, but this felt a little like rhetoric. Still a good read though.

Sapphos SisterSapphos Sisterover 14 years agoAuthor
Thanks for the comments.

For the most part valid criticism of a not v good poem , I agree. Truth is that the poem is bogus and doesn't really reflect my views (too preachy for that!). Therefore the form has dictated the words (rather than the other way round). However, I don't agree that scansion and rhyme are retro - in their place they are as modern as free verse. In fact, generally I think there's too much 'art' and not enough 'craft' in modern poetry (just my opinion). Nor will I have more regard for what Marilyn Monroe has to say than Sappho (or any other of the classical poets - Ovid, Horace). Most human problems have been with us for thousands of years - can't see that modern commentators have a monopoly on wisdom.

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