by jp36515
Keep it coming. You have a good start. I am very interested in this type of story.
Your just starting out. Attempting a series first off, very brave. Good Luck
Really, it sucks & blows, not gonna lie like the rest of the reviews...
The story didn't even get started before it was over,he should at least have had a feel of some of mom's tit. Who was the fourth person at diner, There were Dad and Mom and himself is all I read. I hope she teaches the boy how to eat pussy before he tries to stick the cock to her. Maybe Dear old Dad suffers from E.D. and mom is one hell of a horny housewife with a wet sweet pussy that hasn't been taken care of for three of four years, and her son nails her sweet pussy and gives her a new lease on life.
Flawless start and I didn't find myself wading through a mire of badly spelled/punctuated nonsense.
Thanks for sharing.
Your storyline was okay, but I can't figure out why it was okay for YOU to get to post something SO SHORT when there are SUPPOSEDLY length guidelines on here! It figures that they apply their own rules haphazardly.
From personal experience, when writing, I know where the story is going to go in my own mind but my own horniness gets the better of me and I have to stop short to "take care of business" then I'm too tired to complete. ha ha
Keep writing
but please just dont jump into the sex too quickly. let it build up
...to what should be a highly erotic story. Two favours if I may: Post regularly and let it happen slowly. :)
nice starting, cant wait to read chapter 2
HOT HOT HOT HOT !!!! :D
cu
First and foremost, when you POST story you want enough to keep the readers interested, and where they had an O. A kid going through puberty might have gotten a hardon from this, but anyone else probably not. Also, it was posted on 7/21, and now it is 7/23. So not only is your story forgotten, but now you need to get the person into it on the 2nd part, which I highly doubt you can based on what you did on the 1st part. In short, post to the point where the two or more persons finish fucking, then you can leave the reader wanting. With this story you did not leave the reader wanting more for you never really caught the readers attention.
Really enjoying this.....nice build up and lots of anticipation,hopefully she will tease him a little with some nice lingerie,glimpes of stocking top ect.
How about some realism a 18 year male never been on a date or kissed a girl, where was he kept, chained up some place. A lot of you writers, write as if 18 year old boy or girl have lived in a convent all their lives & have not been out in the real world. Why????
I like the thoughtful, realistic, situational character development. So far so good.