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English
Good start
Intriguing beginning; it'll be fun to find out who everybody is. I'd say the weakest point is the dialogue (which is hard to do). It's a bit clunky, and overly formal -- there are no contractions, like I'm and you're. Also, you should add in a paragraph break when the person speaking changes; makes it easier to follow. Looking forward to more.
Not bad
Just a few grammar problems, switching from present tense to past tense, etc. But overall, I like the story.
I see the time frame is about two years or so from Trista's death. I'm still sad she died in your previous story. But also, in this story, it almost seems as if Jared and Trista didn't get together in the best of circumstances. In Chess Piece, it seemed Trista was the love of his life or something. But in this one, it's more of duty. For example, he had gotten her pregnant, she lost the baby, but he was a man of his word so to speak so he stayed with her. Then love grew. I suppose it's for the premise for this story.
I did, however, enjoy your story. I hope that you will continue it and if you do, I'll glad look for new updates.
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