A Blackmail Tale Ch. 11

Interesting turn of events!!!

finally... a new chapter... contains interesting turn of events, looking forward to the next one..

Gary

it is a really hot story, i just dont like story where one guy get all the pussy, be nice if the other husband find out black him take there wifes back and fuck his wife and they all work togher

please

Please conclude this story by having the cheated husbands and wives find out what an uncaring bastard he is and castrating him.
Please, PLease, PLEase, PLEAse, PLEASe, PLEASE

great story, love it

Who's on first?

You really needed an editor on several chapters, including this one. You've made the wrong character speak: "'One. Say it!' Krista whispered to her partner in crime." Her partner in crime being Krista. At an earlier point, you had Krista, by name, giving instructions to Krista, also by name, in a single sentence.

As I am writing a story, ~35,000 words with some major sections still unwritten, I understand how one can become lost in the words. Continuity is hard and an editor helps. Never the less, you still get ✰✰✰✰✰.

From Lakewood/White Rock, cheers.

You need to liven it up.

You're a very good writer but your characters might as well be robots. The girls suck and fuck and eat each other a lot, but nobody seems very excited? Where's the hot dialog? Where are the scenes that make the reader herself want to come? I DON'T mean "dialog" like OOHJOHNFUCKMEINMYTIGHTCUNTOFUCOFUCKOFUCK!

Well, you get the idea. With so many wild combinations of bodies and women and cocks and asses and cunts you ought to drive your audience wild. But—too much repetition, too little feeling.

Write something that will make me come! Make me come creaming! That would get you at least the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Suzzie in Los Altos