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English
Great Series
Wonderful!!! I don't want to stir anything up but HEY!!! what good fortunes cam to Craig? Didn't see his happily ever after beginnings at the wedding. Does the spidey sense another story or just a non issue? Oh well -- glad tidings to Craig in any event. Ciao
Love it!
I love all your stories! Please keep the stories coming! Cant wait to see what youve got coming next! Thanks!!
Love it!
I'm in love the characters from all of you stories and it's nice to see things working out for all of them! Thank you for writing!!! I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
interesting
like the stories but the flow and setting jumps are a little hard to follow at times
Such good work!
I just finished the three stories in this series and enjoyed each of them. It was hard to follow at times b/c there was no separation between one conversation/plot to the next. I would rec. using something as simple as"
One conversation
...................
good
I liked this series quite a bit. This was my second time reading them through. I never really got pulled into the story. It was a little difficult to follow at times when you jumped ahead without any kind of separation between conversations. Also, if you add just a little bit more detail I think it would greatly improve the stories. Example- when you were describing the doll in the package I wasn't sure if it was a barbie or a baby-doll or what. The baby-doll would have been creepier and more like a threat with all the kids.
good series!
I think you improved as you wrote each story.
One thing I think could make it better is separating different parts of the story from one another because it gets a little confusing when in one paragraph it's time-and-place[1], and in the next paragraph you skip to time-and-place[2].
You do it well in places like this chapter: e.g.
{ "I won't," Danny promised.
-20 years later-
Danny and Jessica stood hand in hand as they watched Will and Kira say their vows. }
But you miss this out in many more places, such as in chapter 10 (which is not so long ago)
{ "Danny, you are one of my best agents, however, I know how important your family is to you and I would never ask you to choose between the two," Cal told Danny.
"Hey," Cal said, walking into the kitchen where Claire was pouring herself a drink of iced tea. ... "They screamed and yelled at each other for over an hour" }
It's not that clear easily that the second part is meant to be over an hour later, and when realisation does hit it takes away some of the enjoyment because it's not intended to be a mystery so it's not as fun at that point.
On a story level, I'd say you rate between 6 and 8 out of 10, and on a technical level you rate at about 6 or 7. However I am more inclined towards different stories and you did nonetheless catch my interest. I would love it if you really pursued the romance interest. Most characters in your stories seem to have already established relationships, and it's really getting back together, deciding to have a baby and all that's left to read about. I said it before, I'd love to read your character's pasts and their future plans. I think your writing is improving and you can really do this, and you definitely can gain more readership.
All the best!
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