It's Complicated

Needs some work

First off, love the hockey. :) I'm a big hockey fan myself. However, if you could find an editor, that would help a lot. In the very beginning, you switch from present to past tense and back again. You refer to Colin once as Cohen, and then most times by his last name -- wouldn't Jaylyn call him Colin, at least? There are other little things that if corrected, would really improve the flow.

Well...........

First and foremost: Pick a verb tense and stick with it! Stop slipping between present tense and past tense. Beyond that point, it's irritating to the reader to get to the "end" of the story to find that it's unfinished. Either label the story as being the first chapter or complete the story. Those things said, the storyline is actually pretty good; nice set-up, essential elements explained, good character development.
-- KK in Texas

Lovin It But...

The story is very interesting so far but I have to agree with the other post that the switches from past to present and back again was all very confusing you need to bring them together in better way so that it is easy to know when you switched back between the two.... Other than that Totally Loved It so far and I can't wait for the next chapter... Hope It comes soon :D

Great Start...

Nice use of dialogue and character portraits. Very nice first submission. Thanks, Blaine

My try to finish it.

This story is unfinished and has been for almost 2 years. I actually liked it alot. Even if the chapters were short and the writting raw. I'm gonna start writting tonight and hope to have it up by this week. No longer than tuesday or thursday! Just look at my page for updates! And comment if you like it.

What a jerk... just dump her and why would he assume she would just cheat... childish

really good

AMHJ89 I AGREE, devin is a dick story is good so far though