by StormyNite
Liked your other stories a lot, especially "When your near me." Just wanted to mention how annoying it is to read a story (this one) that keeps saying "you did this and you ...." When I read that it just confuses me and I have to try and translate that in my mind into meaning, "Someone did this and someone ...." Obviously I didn't do that and I am not the "you" This could be a writers choice but I absolutely hate this, so just wanted to mention it. I also realize this was written a long time ago and I didn't find this in your other stories so you are probably already beyond this. Anyway, just a hopefully constructive comment.
I appreciate that this story was written way-back-when but it would have been improved if you had given us a little background on Kristian and Melissa. It's obvious from the context that they are pen-pals, computer pals, something of that ilk but it would have been better to explain to the reader.
If her back was to you? Basics like that make your writing not believable.
Well thought out and composed. I found it to be a moving short story.
5🌟's