All Comments on 'Bullet 02'

The story was confusing, as the points of view were all over the place. It is a good premise, but I suggest you right it again. Make it twice as long (at least) and use something like ***** to break up the points of view as well as when the person is remembering compared to describing what is currently happening. With some work this could be good but its not there yet.

Quite nice twists at the end of what was a horrifying story basically. What awful people to want to a bullet in a hero who was a nice guy.

The second time, could use a ending, thanks.

finding out about Lynn and jack and connie and giving them their due.

....part two she's surreptitious lesbo killer.Did the author have a sex change between chapters?-Pistolpackinpete

I think the theme might have worked out but I couldnot follow your story. It jumped around so much I just couldn't make sense of it. I finally gave up and sent this note. Please get an editor. Put paragraphs together with a central idea. Try to get the flow of thought so that another somewhat dumb reader can get it. Keep trying but please get atr least one editor...possible several...in tandem.

Part 1 at least had some sex in it. But part 2 seems to be a story. Better

....upped score on hope you will write part 3.Jack deserves a pass but Connie....

Part 3 that brings everything together. and Davids response to what

He see's his Loving Wife doing with another. he could Divorce her and keep her around when he has needs and let her see Who he goes out with.

She could Clean House,Car's and him after being with others.

Lots of thought went in to this and it shows -

Really nice commentary on how reflection can help get y0ur head out of your ass -0 or someone else's -

Here is a story that definitely needs a score card/ TK U MLJ LV NV

should really have strong relationships, TK U MLJ LV NV

For sharing.

The ending is perfect. Jack will find happiness, and so will David. Too bad, Lynne. :)

is that a question or a statement, TK U MLJ LV NV

shame it wasn't filled out more. i do love a story with an evil cunt in it but i do like to know why they're doing what they're doing and why.

Sorry but this end really didn't seem right. So Jack not only got to fuck his wife but then is going to get to fuck the guy's sister? Sorry but Jack needs to get dealt with same as the whore wife and leave the poor sister out if it. But jimbo usually likes to take sweet innocent girls like the sister and have them be cum dumps for the local asshole and then after being passed around like a cheap slut they find happiness. If you did finish the story you could have brother and sister find out about the affair and that Jack was trying to use meliane and they both set them up and then have a revenge/incest love story. Just my thoughts

3 stars

BTB

Thanks for sharing your work!

Wow !

This one was different... not the usual fare from you, but a good read nonetheless.

Give this one a "4", only because it seemed Ike there should have been a little more to flesh it out, and because I didn't quite follow the connection from Part 1, although they could be on me.

EastCoaster

So when are you going to finish the story

Incomplete story.