Suspenseful and want more chapters soon BUT before you submit them know this. You are overusing hyphens. To-wards is one word, no hyphen. "ever-spreading" no hyphen needed. "sock-encased" no hyphen (two words). "misty-eyed" "button-down" etc etc etc.
It-is-annoying-to-read-with-all-these-extr a-hyphen-symbols-especially-when-they-are-not-need-e d.
by
Anonymous08/14/09
Please continue.
Very good story so far. I enjoyed reading this story especially the twist at the end of this chapter. You should definitely continue writing this story.
by
Anonymous08/14/09
decent...
but don't use two question marks when one will do just fine. Oh, and the hypen thing...you need to work on that, too. Otherwise it's a decent story. :)
by
Anonymous08/15/09
Father of the baby???
That question has still not been answered. Is it the Daddy or someone else?
by
Anonymous10/04/09
Loved it
Incest mixed with a juicy pregnant woman... Great!
Incidentally, don't pay too much attention to the hyphen complaints. True, 'toward' is one word, but if you are using a compound adjective like 'ever-spreading' a hyphen is useful.
You are leaving the readers hanging in regard to who is the baby's father. This was a really good addition to the original story. I loved the dressing room bit.
English
More Please BUT
Suspenseful and want more chapters soon BUT before you submit them know this. You are overusing hyphens. To-wards is one word, no hyphen. "ever-spreading" no hyphen needed. "sock-encased" no hyphen (two words). "misty-eyed" "button-down" etc etc etc.
It-is-annoying-to-read-with-all-these-extr a-hyphen-symbols-especially-when-they-are-not-need-e d.
Please continue.
Very good story so far. I enjoyed reading this story especially the twist at the end of this chapter. You should definitely continue writing this story.
decent...
but don't use two question marks when one will do just fine. Oh, and the hypen thing...you need to work on that, too. Otherwise it's a decent story. :)
Father of the baby???
That question has still not been answered. Is it the Daddy or someone else?
Loved it
Incest mixed with a juicy pregnant woman... Great!
Incidentally, don't pay too much attention to the hyphen complaints. True, 'toward' is one word, but if you are using a compound adjective like 'ever-spreading' a hyphen is useful.
Hanging
You are leaving the readers hanging in regard to who is the baby's father. This was a really good addition to the original story. I loved the dressing room bit.
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