Nice one, I like the direction it's going, and I want more - but get an editor!
Confidant/confident, touch's/touches, ... lots more. It's like sitting on a wooden chair and getting a buttful of splinters. It would be a lovely chair if it got a final sanding.
by
Anonymous09/29/09
Great story.
I enjoyed reading this chapter, it is great. I hope you will continue & write the next chapter soon.
As for some of the comment, why is there always someone ready to pick apart the spelling & grammar. Most of the authors on this site are not professionals. So give them a break.
by
Anonymous09/29/09
It was good
The kind of event that really does happen in homes . Liked it alot and I'm certain you have more to tell .
by
Anonymous09/30/09
Why?
Why is there always someone ready to pick apart the spelling & grammar?I'll tell ya why.Because people are educated in school. If you've been educated in school, you should know grammar or spelling. If you're going to submit stories to one of the best erotic story sites on the internet, then you better put out a "product" that's decent. Sloppy grammar and spelling shows that the writer either doesn't care, is lazy or didn't pay attention while in English classes. And i'm speaking for American writer's here!The problem is most people these days are plain lazy and don't care. I find it hard to read stories with glaring errors like this.
¡This is great series! There is the right amount of build-up in Ch. 1 and vivid detail in Ch. 2. Further, you are a good story teller. In my view, this is the reason some readers suggest an editor: because you seem to have the foundation, talent and skill to really move forward with your writing.
¡This is great series! There is the right amount of build-up in Ch. 1 and vivid detail in Ch. 2. Further, you are a good story teller. In my view, this is the reason some readers suggest an editor: because you seem to have the foundation, talent and skill to really move forward with your writing.
by
Anonymous01/22/10
bad chapter
i couldn't finish this chapter it was so unrealistic the first chapter was very good but in this one you fell flat when she refused to talk to him but kept walking around in her underware he would have got very pissed at her and would have avoided and ignored her at all costs including no phone calls he would treat her as if she wasn't around you need to stop rewriting human nature people do not act the way you write keep it realistic and believable please
by
Anonymous11/29/10
Did you get discouraged?
You had a good story going, Monica. So why didn't you finish it? If you were telling your own story, just spit it out.
I fucked one of my four sisters for years and I don't apologize for it. She loved it as much as I did and still does. She's beautiful and the only one that ever appealed to me that way. She responded to me the very first time, even though it hurt when I broke her hymen. She held on and let me finish inside of her. Afterward, she got birth control from the school nurse so I could keep cumming in her because I told her I was going to. It was our secret. We don't think any of our sisters or our brother know or ever knew.
We're in our thirties and still meet for a few hours, whenever we can. It's hot, delicious and sweet. We both get a thrill out of her going home to her clueless husband smelling of hot sex while she has two or three loads of my cum deep inside of her. Last night's thrill was the best ever because our plan is already in action. She stopped taking birth control because "we're trying to get pregnant." She lay for an hour with two pillows under her lovely butt, letting both loads of cum soak in before she went home.
by
Anonymous06/07/12
just plain DUMB
why would any guy ever want to be around a bitch like her??? he would avoid her and ignore her going as far as to change his cell phone number. he sure wouldn't screw her keep it atleast somewhat realistic and believable. this chapter was a total waste of time.
by
Anonymous07/13/16
Poor grammer & spelling. USE A SPELL/GRAMMER checker before submitting!!!!!!!
"stand in front of they're bedroom door" It's THEIR not they're (they are).
It's looked THROUGH THEIR door and not threw (the act of throwing)
they're (they are - once again). And I would suggest that you looked through the doorway opening, unless of course you have x-ray vision.
but she was gauged on my parent's. WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN?
Possibly, as she was gazing
You (I) could feel her wetness seeping threw (THROUGH) the satin on her underwear. I then too looked at (AS) my parent's keep (KEPT) fucking
and touch's (TOUCHES) my still hard cock
There's more, but why should I bother. Your next chapter will be just as bad.
English
Grammar and spelling
Good story only for the incorrect spelling in particular
'their'
Please get an editor
That's all. Just get someone who can spell and understands grammer. Please.
Nice story
Nice one, I like the direction it's going, and I want more - but get an editor!
Confidant/confident, touch's/touches, ... lots more. It's like sitting on a wooden chair and getting a buttful of splinters. It would be a lovely chair if it got a final sanding.
Great story.
I enjoyed reading this chapter, it is great. I hope you will continue & write the next chapter soon.
As for some of the comment, why is there always someone ready to pick apart the spelling & grammar. Most of the authors on this site are not professionals. So give them a break.
It was good
The kind of event that really does happen in homes . Liked it alot and I'm certain you have more to tell .
Why?
Why is there always someone ready to pick apart the spelling & grammar?I'll tell ya why.Because people are educated in school. If you've been educated in school, you should know grammar or spelling. If you're going to submit stories to one of the best erotic story sites on the internet, then you better put out a "product" that's decent. Sloppy grammar and spelling shows that the writer either doesn't care, is lazy or didn't pay attention while in English classes. And i'm speaking for American writer's here!The problem is most people these days are plain lazy and don't care. I find it hard to read stories with glaring errors like this.
Great story
¡This is great series! There is the right amount of build-up in Ch. 1 and vivid detail in Ch. 2. Further, you are a good story teller. In my view, this is the reason some readers suggest an editor: because you seem to have the foundation, talent and skill to really move forward with your writing.
Great story
¡This is great series! There is the right amount of build-up in Ch. 1 and vivid detail in Ch. 2. Further, you are a good story teller. In my view, this is the reason some readers suggest an editor: because you seem to have the foundation, talent and skill to really move forward with your writing.
bad chapter
i couldn't finish this chapter it was so unrealistic the first chapter was very good but in this one you fell flat when she refused to talk to him but kept walking around in her underware he would have got very pissed at her and would have avoided and ignored her at all costs including no phone calls he would treat her as if she wasn't around you need to stop rewriting human nature people do not act the way you write keep it realistic and believable please
Did you get discouraged?
You had a good story going, Monica. So why didn't you finish it? If you were telling your own story, just spit it out.
I fucked one of my four sisters for years and I don't apologize for it. She loved it as much as I did and still does. She's beautiful and the only one that ever appealed to me that way. She responded to me the very first time, even though it hurt when I broke her hymen. She held on and let me finish inside of her. Afterward, she got birth control from the school nurse so I could keep cumming in her because I told her I was going to. It was our secret. We don't think any of our sisters or our brother know or ever knew.
We're in our thirties and still meet for a few hours, whenever we can. It's hot, delicious and sweet. We both get a thrill out of her going home to her clueless husband smelling of hot sex while she has two or three loads of my cum deep inside of her. Last night's thrill was the best ever because our plan is already in action. She stopped taking birth control because "we're trying to get pregnant." She lay for an hour with two pillows under her lovely butt, letting both loads of cum soak in before she went home.
just plain DUMB
why would any guy ever want to be around a bitch like her??? he would avoid her and ignore her going as far as to change his cell phone number. he sure wouldn't screw her keep it atleast somewhat realistic and believable. this chapter was a total waste of time.
Poor grammer & spelling. USE A SPELL/GRAMMER checker before submitting!!!!!!!
"stand in front of they're bedroom door" It's THEIR not they're (they are).
It's looked THROUGH THEIR door and not threw (the act of throwing)
they're (they are - once again). And I would suggest that you looked through the doorway opening, unless of course you have x-ray vision.
but she was gauged on my parent's. WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN?
Possibly, as she was gazing
You (I) could feel her wetness seeping threw (THROUGH) the satin on her underwear. I then too looked at (AS) my parent's keep (KEPT) fucking
and touch's (TOUCHES) my still hard cock
There's more, but why should I bother. Your next chapter will be just as bad.
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