Beautifully depicted realistic opening, and an intense and thickly erotic scene. Bravo!
I hope the story will go on.
not enough back ground to tell if this had happened before or if this was the first time it sounds like you left out a chapter or two
There were several instances of quite awkward wording. Use an editor to help.
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English
Wow!
Beautifully depicted realistic opening, and an intense and thickly erotic scene. Bravo!
Continue
I hope the story will go on.
confusing
not enough back ground to tell if this had happened before or if this was the first time it sounds like you left out a chapter or two
Wording
There were several instances of quite awkward wording. Use an editor to help.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Rachel and Cale or
More submissions by UnHalo13.