All Comments on 'Life After Death Ch. 01'

I loved it, can't wait for part two. <P>

Jenny

I admit it - I'm hooked! Can't wait for Ch. 02!

A publicly disgraced man because of a slut. Now, that is a character worth waiting to read more about. Please don't come up with a very sympathetic story for the lady.

I am really going to be on here all the time to pick up the next chapter! It is really appetizing.

Carry on with the story.

great start! pls don't make us wait too long for chap2.

intro. the only thing I already don't understand, how a "superman" like this guy can be fooled so bad that his marriage ended? he kicked 3 ok 2 guys easily into hell, how come he got any problems before if he is so super?

Only a very few mistakes (grammatically speaking, that is). the story is pretty good, but as Sensei said, our hero needs to control his temper. Why have a heavy bag if your going to punch the wall, ruining both it and your hand? And the gourmet kitchen, well, what use with ruined walls all around the place? Seriously, though, it's starting out pretty good, and it makes me want to read Ch. 02, as a good story should. Please don't make us wait too long.

Waiting impatiently.

I hope the next chapter will answer all of the questions that are hanging in the wind in this story.Well written, and a good start. I hope that the next chapter is posted before i forget what the first chapter is all about....Rich

Interesting, a good background buildup, sounds like ex-wife did a number on him, anxious to find out what happened. Nothing like keeping the reader in suspense and building up the story. Good read so far. ML

I don't know where this story is going but I am already hooked. The quality of your writing has improved dramatically. Congratulations and please keep writing.

This is brilliant, the cry for attention is pathetic! Write a story and finish it!

This is brilliant, the cry for attention is pathetic! Write a story and finish it!

....anonymous in Canada not the only idiot who can't find the submit button, as it were.The reason he's so bad now is that after the break-up he went BACK to doing martial arts and really whipped himself into shape with new home gym.Best start for a Slirpuff story yet.-pistolpackinpete

Good story, cliff hanger type to keep your interest. I want to know how our hero got to this point. Next chapter soon please. Thanks, your work is improving.

Cant wait to see where Steve goe's from here.

Maybe Tom will Man - Up or will he Run and Leave Carol Holding the Bag.

This was a great read. I love reading and most of the stories on here are just smut without a plot. You took great measures to bring the characters to life. Your use of knowledge made this story very believable.

I'm eager for chapter 2. Your writing was <i>amazing<i/> this time. Good job & keep it up.

i think this is the first 100 ive ever gave out. maybe it could have been better, but man did i love it! i thought the wife died but then you implie she cheated and thank god you didnt have him be some little pussy about it. but, i sincerly hope you dont fuck it up on the 2nd chapter because you generally do. its start off great, but then you write the most retarded ending you can think of. haha, i will admit the whole martial arts master part was a little cliche but then everything about this site is cliche.

now i want to know what his ex did to him...if this dave guy or tom was involved and waht he does to them in revenge...hope he hurts the bitch carol also

emotionally powerful, concise, well-written despite a few minor grammatical fluffs. Your best work yet. Thanks, ohio

... I must admit a very good one. I agree with Ohios statements. Very emotional, humorous sidekicks about TV-entertainment an the biker scene. Short: I like it. Keep on writing. Do your best.

<p>Regards</p>

<b>Nucleus</b>

Too Long and a B.S. story

good story but like most of yours, it had waaay to much unnecessary violence. Seriously, what's it prove to beat the crap outta someone? that you don't know how to deal with situations. What happens when Pam makes a mistake? He going to wish she was dead too? And what the fuck is the use of a gourmet kitchen when he has microwave meals every night?

<p>One of the best openings I've ever read. Your characterization of Steve was so clear that I could almost feel how he struggled during each minute to maintain control. His pain is readily apparent to the reader. If I have any concerns with your writing it has to do with the misuse of commas that became a mild distraction.</p>

<p>I'm looking forward to the next chapter.</p>

You're writing IS getting better!

This is THE best portrayal for a long time of someone right on the "edge", doesn't take much to tip him over. You're character description of Steve is spot on. His life has changed, he's no longer soft, he's living for himself in a driven "existence".

You've got the perfect amount of mystery about his marriage, with enough detail for the reader to get some hazy view of what might have been. Carol's turned him into damaged goods, his boss knows it, Nick knows it... he knows it.

Along comes Pam, a nonchalant spunky bird with some varying degree of damage also, they seem suited yet not. She will take him places he's never been, and others he isn't sure he wants to go. Is one of these places his darkest end-of-marriage days?

This is shaping to be great story of good old fashioned retribution, come-uppance, with a side of revenge tossed in.

CANT WAIT!!

Careful, tread warily with this score, fucking up this fantastic start is not an option for you......

In a very short time you have become my favorite writer.

Thank you

Loving this so far, thanks for writing, and use as many commas as you like!

Not the type of story usually on this site but it really caught my attention. can't wait for chapter 2

W.T.F. is chapter 2. Can't wait.

Without a dount the ebst story and plot and best written work by this author.

<br></br>

EVER.

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but given the track record of this author I would not hold out a lot of hope of a good ending. Clearly Dan-- the guy who he met in the Bar had something to do with Carol and the end of his marriage.

This chapter is first rate. RAG

It's like drinking non-alcoholic beer great taste but no buzz. I hope 2 is a lot faster.

This guy's like to cut off your tits if he feels pissed. Heading for chapter 2 now. Good read...Mancelt.

Second degree black belt in 5 years, yea and whats new, his sparring partners were Santa Claus and Easter Bunny as it would fit the unrealistic scenario you portrayed just by that statement.

Well maybe not an idiot, but it is possible to make 2nd degree black in 5 years, depending on the style of martial arts, the time requirements for each belt rank, and barring any injuries (which there will be) that interfere with hitting the testing cycle just right. In the style I'm studying you can do it, but it isn't easy.

One correction...you ARE an idiot!

Great start.

Who is Carol and what the fuck did she do to make him like this. We'll see...

OH YEAH

without all those suck comments that have no place here

...this is a great story, one of my favorites. I've read it at LEAST three times. I only wish I could vote again!

Looking forward to having the whole plot revealed.

Very cool so far.

real ones even more so. TK U MLJ LV NV

start was good for a 5

Excellent first chapter, even with help from an editor you still had spelling & grammar errors but apart from that, a good plot & characterisations & well told. keep it up. 5 *****

If this is what it looks after an editor worked on it then before must have been a nightmare. The other two chapters are as bad as this one too.

and damn do i wish i could kick ass like that and after reading all 3 stories id say Dan got off easy this time.i sure hope that nothing of his ever functions right ever again great story

Yeah they are there: digiting errors, spelling errors, bad word choice and finally grammar. But I had no trouble assimilating the story and liking it!

The last "scene" kicked it up to a 5 for me. I also noticed some editing/proofreading errors, but my take was different than the previous commenter's. I believe this is about the cleanest Slirpuff story I've read.

Tags sucked. There was no oral in this chapter. How about tags such as Harley, motorcycle, exercise, martial arts, etc?

"I had dumped my helmet a couple of months back and wore nothing more than my shades and maybe a ball cap once in a while."

You have only to watch a partner go down on his bike and see how high a skull can bounce repeatedly off the pavement, before you think that is a good idea. Usually, much of the scalp is torn off and in my case, I had to pick out about 2 cups of gravel before I could swing my buddies scalp back onto his skull. Of course, it didn't help much because by the time the ambulance arrived, my buddy had died.

Never once in my life have I went without a helmet and never will. Ever.

PLEASE learn how to use commas!

An easy test is to read the sentence out loud and pause at each comma. If it sounds strange, then the comma shouldn't be there. If it sounds rushed, you probably need a comma.

I hope he gets over his anger management issues be it in the ring or in the street.

Still five stars. Still love it.

This has got me curious.

I feel your pain. You did a great job of conveying the anger and hurt your protagonist is experiencing.

To add a shock to a hardtail you saw off the back of the frame and replace it with a completely different rear frame that moves separately from the rest of the frame.

On a custom chopper special fabrication would be needed, very expensive and takes time.

Cheaper, easier and quicker to trade off that bike for a bike with a shock already there.

A decent start. Slow at first them picked up momentum. Now let's see how his shit started...

You have continued with your spelling errors. Please reread it, or preferably get someone who can spell to read the story.

about what, lets find out next chapters, TK U MLJ LV NV

Good action, but lots of tease. Let's have some more to keep this going.

I like this guy's style. Put em down, keep them down. One of my new realities is knowing I'll never have another good spar, nevermind a good fight. Great start to the story.

It's just the start so hard to tell yet. Good start anyway. Steve is the fantasy image American male.

Very interesting start.

With Pam by the time he dropped her off the first time, she reminds me a lot of Q's Amanda in 'An Unexpected Reaction'. Signed: BTW

Pam will probably be a wildcat in bed!!!

Hmmm, sorry but I don’t think he’s a hero for being a workaholic or a fighter. I like lots of your other stories. But ain’t going to read the rest of this story line.

This was a great start and I kind.of remember what's coming, but I'm enjoying it again.

I'm a huge fan of violently reacting to bullies!! Kudos.

It's kind of realistic...ill also loose it when some asshole fucks my wife and haunt me about it ,no matter how big he is he's still human and can bleed.

Expressing that level of hate for his ex-wife likely means he's still in love with her and resents it. It's that resentment that's translating into anger. Whatever she did he still loves her and doesn't want to because of the pain she's caused him.

It’s true! Body builders aren’t good fighters. They are so slow, anyone one can snap their knee with a side kick!

I like Dan's beating more every time I read about it. Three on one is never nice.

Damned good read. Its one of those that can really pull you in.

While I'm not a fan of violence, there are those don't always leave an option. Enjoy the story, can't be sure if this is my second or third trip through!

somewhere east of Omaha

Never been a bike guy never quite got the Zen of it all but reading your stuff made me wish i were 20 yrs younger so i could try it for a yr

Very good read. Love the way he took down the 3 assholes.

It was fun to see a smart mouth almost girlfriend speechless after he cramed those 3 guys

Great tale so far. Sounds like the ex is able to get his dander up. LP

Good grief I can't take in the love life of a guy and his motorcycle.

At least the old westerns had a living breathing horse for their love affair

Interesting start. Just enough build up to get your attention. Thanks for your writing g.

Who is Carol that he such intense feelings about? Sounds as if Pam is interested. Bruno

Great story but needs to be expanded. The possibilities are almost endless

Too blurry to make any sense

Good writing, but in the real world Pam would ghost his ass after how he treated her.

Why he would go out with that pushy bitch Pam is beyond me.