you need to try and write in the third person objective.
The first person you use does not work especially when you try to use first person for multiple people.
first person stories are always hard to understand.
i am glad you are writing stories, please continue.
done that many times, but I would have loved to hear what happened to her while she was out of sight of her husband. Did she suck one off while the other gave her a quick fuck?
I had one of the hottest episodes in Senor Frog's in Mexico.
by
Anonymous10/10/09
I love it when a cheating whore slut wife fucks
and feels caught out. I would have kicked and slapped the cunt all the way home. In a sexy way of course...
And clearly its from a cuckold to a dirty whore, two of the worst character I have come across.
While I applaud you for writing an erotic piece for the 'Loving Wives' erotic section instead of the non-erotic crap that dominates the section now Thanks to JPB. Really guys, that kind of literature dont belong in an erotic literature section. There is a non erotic section for that. The definition of erotic to me is arousing.
I applaud you for the overall style of the peice having writen it like its a letter of note to his wife.
However I agree with most of the other commenters, This is not a very good peice of literature because it is written like its a note or letter from the husband to the wife. There is an overall lack of verbal communication which is one of the ways we learn about the character in general. Here all we acn learn about is the husband and that is it and even then we dont learn that much about him. In other words we cant identify with any character in your story. Sorry at best I can only give you a 2.
by
Anonymous08/01/15
Just sex!
Yes, the story is a bit difficult because you wrote it in the first person to your wife. However, that does not distract from the fact that it is an excellent, erotic story of consensual infidelity by the wife. You consented to her dancing with others, you witnessed her seduction, and she got royally fucked by her two dance partners. Then, you dragged her outside, did not discuss it, but fucked her hard against the building wall while she fucked you back, hard.
The wonderful thing about this story was that it dealt with animalistic passions. It was not the blah, blah, blah of talking about being a hot wife, talking about the thoughts or feelings; it was pure and simple lust.
Also, the story is very plausible because almost every woman likes to dance more than her husband. Also, women are generally better dancers than we are….that is perfect for setting your wife up for sex with another man. Dancing gets women hot, the dance partner is more than willing, her inhibitions are down, and all you have to do as a husband is to nod “okay” to her when she looks over to you for permission.
My wife and I have done nearly the same routine many times, except I bang her in the car afterwards. She has been manhandled by another man and then I ravish her….pure and simple lust. She is already sweaty, her hairdo and makeup are a mess and she fucks like an animal. This is about as close to the caveman sex as you can get and it is very, very exciting if both the wife and husband are on board.
Here´s to cum dripping pussies! Here unadulterated lust!
English
perspective is poor and hard to follow!
you need to try and write in the third person objective.
The first person you use does not work especially when you try to use first person for multiple people.
first person stories are always hard to understand.
i am glad you are writing stories, please continue.
Jack
Been there
done that many times, but I would have loved to hear what happened to her while she was out of sight of her husband. Did she suck one off while the other gave her a quick fuck?
I had one of the hottest episodes in Senor Frog's in Mexico.
I love it when a cheating whore slut wife fucks
and feels caught out. I would have kicked and slapped the cunt all the way home. In a sexy way of course...
This is basically a letter to his wife.
And clearly its from a cuckold to a dirty whore, two of the worst character I have come across.
While I applaud you for writing an erotic piece for the 'Loving Wives' erotic section instead of the non-erotic crap that dominates the section now Thanks to JPB. Really guys, that kind of literature dont belong in an erotic literature section. There is a non erotic section for that. The definition of erotic to me is arousing.
I applaud you for the overall style of the peice having writen it like its a letter of note to his wife.
However I agree with most of the other commenters, This is not a very good peice of literature because it is written like its a note or letter from the husband to the wife. There is an overall lack of verbal communication which is one of the ways we learn about the character in general. Here all we acn learn about is the husband and that is it and even then we dont learn that much about him. In other words we cant identify with any character in your story. Sorry at best I can only give you a 2.
Just sex!
Yes, the story is a bit difficult because you wrote it in the first person to your wife. However, that does not distract from the fact that it is an excellent, erotic story of consensual infidelity by the wife. You consented to her dancing with others, you witnessed her seduction, and she got royally fucked by her two dance partners. Then, you dragged her outside, did not discuss it, but fucked her hard against the building wall while she fucked you back, hard.
The wonderful thing about this story was that it dealt with animalistic passions. It was not the blah, blah, blah of talking about being a hot wife, talking about the thoughts or feelings; it was pure and simple lust.
Also, the story is very plausible because almost every woman likes to dance more than her husband. Also, women are generally better dancers than we are….that is perfect for setting your wife up for sex with another man. Dancing gets women hot, the dance partner is more than willing, her inhibitions are down, and all you have to do as a husband is to nod “okay” to her when she looks over to you for permission.
My wife and I have done nearly the same routine many times, except I bang her in the car afterwards. She has been manhandled by another man and then I ravish her….pure and simple lust. She is already sweaty, her hairdo and makeup are a mess and she fucks like an animal. This is about as close to the caveman sex as you can get and it is very, very exciting if both the wife and husband are on board.
Here´s to cum dripping pussies! Here unadulterated lust!
Good story; keep writing!
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