Yeah, the original was the best, but this one was a little clearer to read, because I didn't confuse the sire and father. This one would benefit from a little paragraph that gave some background on the sister, perhaps, being jealous of the wife. It would add just a little more depth to it. Watching father and mother for years gives lots of opportunity for jealousy, but the brother suddenly becoming unavailable would have affected her somewhat, you would think. I like playing up the inner turmoil a bit. LOL.
by
Anonymous03/15/15
Awesome
Very different from everything else I've read. Loved the use of words like stabbed and impaled. Very hot. Would love to read another story like this with other supernatural creatures. You did a very good job of writing this.
English
Intriguing
A short interesting story. Good luck in the contest.
Well done
Very well written and engaging. Nice hot scene with the powerless brother. Good luck in the contest
Subtle and restrained
I like it. A full description of vampires in your creation without dry exposition. A tale of revenge, endless and cold.
Original Was Definitely Best
Yeah, the original was the best, but this one was a little clearer to read, because I didn't confuse the sire and father. This one would benefit from a little paragraph that gave some background on the sister, perhaps, being jealous of the wife. It would add just a little more depth to it. Watching father and mother for years gives lots of opportunity for jealousy, but the brother suddenly becoming unavailable would have affected her somewhat, you would think. I like playing up the inner turmoil a bit. LOL.
Awesome
Very different from everything else I've read. Loved the use of words like stabbed and impaled. Very hot. Would love to read another story like this with other supernatural creatures. You did a very good job of writing this.
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