This one could almost be an HDK story (and that is a compliment). Concise, clear, and interesting. The "that's what she said" referring to snoring and body odor was hilarious. Well done!
It is good to seeing creating a new story and interesting characters. It seems strange to me that people worry about whether or not the characters are stupid. Each has his role in building the story and you did a fine job.
This is your best. Short, to the point and
definite.
Keep writing.
by
Anonymous10/20/09
Fine story
I liked this story, although I don't think it was as good as some of your others, such as "American Dream", "Leopard's Spots", or "What a Turn Up". Please keep writing. Next time I hope to see something longer, and more focused on character development and plot than on humor. I liked the fact that the male lead was a bit stronger than in some of your stories, although sometimes some degree of cluelessness (not "wimpyness", but "cluelessness") can be fun, as long as he is assertive in the end (as in "Leopard's Spots"). Thanks again.
Don't worry about not developing characters. I don't like to take the time and energy to do that, either. That is for books...not short stories. But I digress. I always look forward to the Arsenal reference. The only problem is you don't write enough stories.
She accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend until he pointed out that he was more in need of being jealous then she was. I still get along with him, but she has decided that I'm not safe company.
who needs fucking mates like that i would of beat shit out of him then all our mates would kick fuck out of him i would took pictures put them on internet and to every house thats humilliation
Why everdo have a best friend? Or mate as i guess friends are called in UK and Oz. All they ever do is fuck your wife!
As an American i prefer mating with my mate. But then we Americans can be polar opposites with our distant cousins across the big pond. Something about a shared language both seem to be confused by.
Why do i constantly see this same theme repeated so often in LW stories?
A hidden truth needing to be uncovered? Is this moreis common thansense I amhave aware of? Or maybe somein kinky fantasy like watching a prude wife gangbanged?
Seems women and old girl friends have no problem talking and sharing illicist love affairs. While hubs best life long buddy seems to believe that is a given excuse to not only fuck his best friends wife but expect hub to agree. At least in LW stories.
I am no writer, but I ask those who are....FIND ANOTHER IDEA!
I apologize for the errors in my post i just typed. I tried some editing and somehow auto correct came back with what I guess IT thought I was typing....so sorry
Oh, and to my cousins across the pond, I was not trying to insult with my comment about a shared language that can sometimes not be understood. I know American slang and comments do not always mean same in UK or Oz.
English
Ah yes.....
fun read, as usual, good to see you come out of hiding!
Vey good!
I loved it.
Well
done. Love the humor.
Well..Britease seems that not all brits are stupid
Except for Joe and Jean ...naturally
Welcome Back
This was a good story to make a grand comeback with. Please write more regularly for your fans.
Well..Britease seems that not all brits are stupid
Except for Joe and Jean ...naturally
it was a very fun read
Nice and smooth transition from not seeming to know if anything was really going on to clicking away on his camera.
Good Story
This one could almost be an HDK story (and that is a compliment). Concise, clear, and interesting. The "that's what she said" referring to snoring and body odor was hilarious. Well done!
Excellent Read
It is good to seeing creating a new story and interesting characters. It seems strange to me that people worry about whether or not the characters are stupid. Each has his role in building the story and you did a fine job.
Quick and to the point
A real tight story, well done and interesting. Thanks
Your best story yet
...and without the wimpiness that plagues many of your other stories. It's short, yes, but it didn't need to be any longer.
Great Story, Best yet.
This is your best. Short, to the point and
definite.
Keep writing.
Fine story
I liked this story, although I don't think it was as good as some of your others, such as "American Dream", "Leopard's Spots", or "What a Turn Up". Please keep writing. Next time I hope to see something longer, and more focused on character development and plot than on humor. I liked the fact that the male lead was a bit stronger than in some of your stories, although sometimes some degree of cluelessness (not "wimpyness", but "cluelessness") can be fun, as long as he is assertive in the end (as in "Leopard's Spots"). Thanks again.
Another great effort
Don't worry about not developing characters. I don't like to take the time and energy to do that, either. That is for books...not short stories. But I digress. I always look forward to the Arsenal reference. The only problem is you don't write enough stories.
Funny Bastard!
I felt like I was watching this on the BBC. Late night of course!
I had a best mate once!
She accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend until he pointed out that he was more in need of being jealous then she was. I still get along with him, but she has decided that I'm not safe company.
Pity really, she had really nice...Ummm... eyes?
Good read as usual, the humour tickled my fancy.
Amanda
no mate
who needs fucking mates like that i would of beat shit out of him then all our mates would kick fuck out of him i would took pictures put them on internet and to every house thats humilliation
Understated
Like most of your stories. It doesn't always scratch the itch, but good to clear the palate once in a while.
Any critiques are from personal preference, not a lack of craft.
Still like this one
I really like your laid back writing style. Hoping for more from your pen to read through our long and cold Canadian Winter
Very predictable
No element of suspense.
Really good
Brit,
Very good as usual. I will agree with a couple of the others though; longer would have been even better.
Matt
As ever - neat and sweet
and with lovely, gentle humour.
Find Another......
Why everdo have a best friend? Or mate as i guess friends are called in UK and Oz. All they ever do is fuck your wife!
As an American i prefer mating with my mate. But then we Americans can be polar opposites with our distant cousins across the big pond. Something about a shared language both seem to be confused by.
Why do i constantly see this same theme repeated so often in LW stories?
A hidden truth needing to be uncovered? Is this moreis common thansense I amhave aware of? Or maybe somein kinky fantasy like watching a prude wife gangbanged?
Seems women and old girl friends have no problem talking and sharing illicist love affairs. While hubs best life long buddy seems to believe that is a given excuse to not only fuck his best friends wife but expect hub to agree. At least in LW stories.
I am no writer, but I ask those who are....FIND ANOTHER IDEA!
auto correct....
Can be such a pain!
I apologize for the errors in my post i just typed. I tried some editing and somehow auto correct came back with what I guess IT thought I was typing....so sorry
Oh, and to my cousins across the pond, I was not trying to insult with my comment about a shared language that can sometimes not be understood. I know American slang and comments do not always mean same in UK or Oz.
Poetic Justice
Almost a BTB story
Nice and Healthy Response!
Thank you for a breath of mental health here in the genre of angst and suffering!
Clothes
He should have hidden her clothes, too!
Another good one...
I like almost all your stories...This is another good one, funny and good reading...
Well Done
Cheaters really caught and burned. For once a real man and not a Wimp.
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