- All
Comments (5) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
cock out
I got my cock out. Do you want to stoke it?
Flat and boring
The basic idea is quite good. There are so many places you could have gone with this but didn't bother. And your inability to construct realistic dialog is an impediment.
Also try using a spell check before you upload. Know the difference between "their", "there", "they're", "lose", "loose", "its", "it's", etc. Makes it very annoying to read if you make those basic mistakes.
Look out for capitalization and punctuation. Try writing slightly more complex sentences. I realize that I'm using simple declarative sentences here, but that's to get my point across, not to embellish or ornament. You could also check out a thesaurus to expand your vocabulary of synonyms.
going to the other party
good story both but lacks more sex and to short, but very good story none the less.keep going it going to be fine
Great little story!
Great job again! Your doing wonderful work! Thank you!
Good
I did like this story although a longer story with more descriptive sex would be better.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to What a Treat or
More submissions by GloriaWill.