This guy has been a patsy from the getgo. Time to rack up points, burn it to the ground, and take no prisoners. He has been used in all the ways a man could be used. Eliminate all the rest.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
We Will See
I don't like little dicked cockold stories so I guess we will see what happens, marriage is shit anyway so good time to cut you losses and run.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
kinda short...........
just like John. Well, hope he gets his shit together.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
could go either way at this point
What a slut. It was going bad when she wanted to sell the house and use the money to start a business for herself. At this point there is no marriage, her reaction regarding the nightgown yet being a whore/pornstar tells it all. Cash in the ticket, empty all the acounts (she has her own money I'm sure), cancel the apartment lease and divorce the bitch. Let her return to no apartment, no bank accounts and no husband. Certainly no reason to go to see her in the Bahamas, she just plans to humiliate him with her new friends.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
A provocative tale
I feel that this story could go either way. It could offer a mystery with some action, culminating with some high drama at the end. Or it will offer a narrative about a naïve, dumb wimp and the abuse he happily he receives from his dom slut. I'm hoping for the former.
I had some problems with some of the dialogue due to punctuation. It often took two or three trys to understand.
Could be interesting or could go down the shitter into cuckold crap. If you need to take it that way, please put it in the Fettish category so we don't start reading it in the LW category. So far this woman is no LW.
This is a fine start to a good cheating wife story, leaving MANY directions for it to go. The groundwork has been set, let's leave it to the author to figure the direction please! And how in the hell does having a profile or not give ANY indication of the quality of the writing, particularly for a new author to this site who is just learning the ropes. You guys give me a headache with all your complaints. It is as they say, those that can't do something teach it....those that can't write critique! I thought this author had a good first chapter and I for one look forward to the rest. While I am not a fan of the cuckold solution to a story, it remains the author's prerogative to complete it to his/her own satisfaction. The reader gets to score it however they wish. So if you don't like it, don't read it or give it a poor score. Me, I gave it a five to start. Thanks for writing, trog1960.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
good written
but a bit sad of a story. but anyway, let the guy write the next chapter of mystique where the female main character has to be pierced clit and cuntlips being fisted in ass and cunt, has to have a 50 guy gangbang and work in a brothel for a couple month. first she will avoid him because of her physical changes (pump that clit to 3 inches)and he can maybe have a "little accident" so that he does not have to go to the holidays. but being in "bed" at a good friends place he could write a lot of chapters they would need to film. with the film finished he could first of all serve her with divorce papers and even claim alimony as she is now a good earning pornstar for all the world to see. he could even give an interview to a big newspaper so everybody would know about her betraying him with her best friend and the so called puplisher of his book and how he felt sorry for so low , poor scheming carachters. maybe he could even find a new love in the process.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
Marriage ended with separate rooms
so why are you pretending? why are you wasting your time and our time pretending that anyone cares about this relationship... it is already over... the husband knows it is over... just because the story gets read in a couple minutes doesn't mean we can use our brains. They don't fuck, they aren't intimate... and he now knows she's a cheating whore... so what? Who cares? My neighbors down the street have a shitty non-marriage as well... and she's a selfish whore... do you care? I certainly don't? and I don't think ANYONE on my street thinks it is EROTIC??
The story line shows imagination. It will be interesting to see where this one goes. Has she been doing these movies all over Europe? Did Dave steal the 1st chapter of the book? Why did they use her house, especially considering that the husband is an author and writes out of his home. Lots of questions make this an interesting and entertaining story. The author should find a good editor to help with punctuation and grammar.
As pointed out earlier, he cannot be so stupid that he thinks everything is fine after her behavior for the last few months. Clearly she has ended the marriage and her beharior before he ever discovers what she and Dave are doing makes that clear. The only need for a second chapter is "he took his evidence to his lawyer. Sued for divorce and conspiracy. Sued for breach of contract and other crimes for Dave. Made sure both spent time in prison and he kept everything of value. (Maybe you can be like so many writers and he can Marry Dave's wife or her sister: with so many plot problems, you might as well throw that chestnut in too) You need an editor who pick up your grammar mistakes particularly the run on sentences, fragments, and spelling issues. Maybe someday you can go back and rework the first chapter to help it make more logical sense and make the wife not so stupid.
by
Anonymous10/27/09
Too Late...
If you can't please your wife and her former boyfriend has to take your story and then fuck your wife in your own bed, it is not a marriage. While she is away, remove all of her clothing and what she cherishes and have them put in a storage locker and pay for one month's rent. Seek an attorney and file for divorce and have her served on location. Put all the assets you can think of into your name and if you have any money, place it in an offshore account. Take the whore to the cleaners before she does the same to you. Then, take a cruise, relax and get on with your life.
by
Anonymous10/28/09
me thinks
wife and her new hubby may be in trouble....hope they both go to jail
by
Anonymous10/29/09
Time to turn the table
Good Beggining, but the hubby looks too stupid, almost shallow.
Make him grow some balls, and remember: payback is a bitch!
Fascinating how people feel that trusting people are stupid.
He trusted his wife and never imagined that she was not worthy of the trust. What I can not understand is how she is going to explain the piercings. The robbery of his book may be the biggest crime in this one!
English
my score assumes in next chapter....
....all hell breaks loose-pistolpackinpete
My score as well depends on the next chapter
This guy has been a patsy from the getgo. Time to rack up points, burn it to the ground, and take no prisoners. He has been used in all the ways a man could be used. Eliminate all the rest.
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
you can bet
you can bet in the next chapter he becomes an even bigger fool when authors give no information on their profile you know what their writing.
We Will See
I don't like little dicked cockold stories so I guess we will see what happens, marriage is shit anyway so good time to cut you losses and run.
kinda short...........
just like John. Well, hope he gets his shit together.
could go either way at this point
What a slut. It was going bad when she wanted to sell the house and use the money to start a business for herself. At this point there is no marriage, her reaction regarding the nightgown yet being a whore/pornstar tells it all. Cash in the ticket, empty all the acounts (she has her own money I'm sure), cancel the apartment lease and divorce the bitch. Let her return to no apartment, no bank accounts and no husband. Certainly no reason to go to see her in the Bahamas, she just plans to humiliate him with her new friends.
A provocative tale
I feel that this story could go either way. It could offer a mystery with some action, culminating with some high drama at the end. Or it will offer a narrative about a naïve, dumb wimp and the abuse he happily he receives from his dom slut. I'm hoping for the former.
I had some problems with some of the dialogue due to punctuation. It often took two or three trys to understand.
Easy out
Kill her off in the next chapter. Thanks for sharing.
We will see where this goes
Could be interesting or could go down the shitter into cuckold crap. If you need to take it that way, please put it in the Fettish category so we don't start reading it in the LW category. So far this woman is no LW.
A fine start to a good cheat!
This is a fine start to a good cheating wife story, leaving MANY directions for it to go. The groundwork has been set, let's leave it to the author to figure the direction please! And how in the hell does having a profile or not give ANY indication of the quality of the writing, particularly for a new author to this site who is just learning the ropes. You guys give me a headache with all your complaints. It is as they say, those that can't do something teach it....those that can't write critique! I thought this author had a good first chapter and I for one look forward to the rest. While I am not a fan of the cuckold solution to a story, it remains the author's prerogative to complete it to his/her own satisfaction. The reader gets to score it however they wish. So if you don't like it, don't read it or give it a poor score. Me, I gave it a five to start. Thanks for writing, trog1960.
good written
but a bit sad of a story. but anyway, let the guy write the next chapter of mystique where the female main character has to be pierced clit and cuntlips being fisted in ass and cunt, has to have a 50 guy gangbang and work in a brothel for a couple month. first she will avoid him because of her physical changes (pump that clit to 3 inches)and he can maybe have a "little accident" so that he does not have to go to the holidays. but being in "bed" at a good friends place he could write a lot of chapters they would need to film. with the film finished he could first of all serve her with divorce papers and even claim alimony as she is now a good earning pornstar for all the world to see. he could even give an interview to a big newspaper so everybody would know about her betraying him with her best friend and the so called puplisher of his book and how he felt sorry for so low , poor scheming carachters. maybe he could even find a new love in the process.
Marriage ended with separate rooms
so why are you pretending? why are you wasting your time and our time pretending that anyone cares about this relationship... it is already over... the husband knows it is over... just because the story gets read in a couple minutes doesn't mean we can use our brains. They don't fuck, they aren't intimate... and he now knows she's a cheating whore... so what? Who cares? My neighbors down the street have a shitty non-marriage as well... and she's a selfish whore... do you care? I certainly don't? and I don't think ANYONE on my street thinks it is EROTIC??
Good Story Line
The story line shows imagination. It will be interesting to see where this one goes. Has she been doing these movies all over Europe? Did Dave steal the 1st chapter of the book? Why did they use her house, especially considering that the husband is an author and writes out of his home. Lots of questions make this an interesting and entertaining story. The author should find a good editor to help with punctuation and grammar.
Huge plot mistakes:
As pointed out earlier, he cannot be so stupid that he thinks everything is fine after her behavior for the last few months. Clearly she has ended the marriage and her beharior before he ever discovers what she and Dave are doing makes that clear. The only need for a second chapter is "he took his evidence to his lawyer. Sued for divorce and conspiracy. Sued for breach of contract and other crimes for Dave. Made sure both spent time in prison and he kept everything of value. (Maybe you can be like so many writers and he can Marry Dave's wife or her sister: with so many plot problems, you might as well throw that chestnut in too) You need an editor who pick up your grammar mistakes particularly the run on sentences, fragments, and spelling issues. Maybe someday you can go back and rework the first chapter to help it make more logical sense and make the wife not so stupid.
Too Late...
If you can't please your wife and her former boyfriend has to take your story and then fuck your wife in your own bed, it is not a marriage. While she is away, remove all of her clothing and what she cherishes and have them put in a storage locker and pay for one month's rent. Seek an attorney and file for divorce and have her served on location. Put all the assets you can think of into your name and if you have any money, place it in an offshore account. Take the whore to the cleaners before she does the same to you. Then, take a cruise, relax and get on with your life.
me thinks
wife and her new hubby may be in trouble....hope they both go to jail
Time to turn the table
Good Beggining, but the hubby looks too stupid, almost shallow.
Make him grow some balls, and remember: payback is a bitch!
Good start for a potentially interesting story
Fascinating how people feel that trusting people are stupid.
He trusted his wife and never imagined that she was not worthy of the trust. What I can not understand is how she is going to explain the piercings. The robbery of his book may be the biggest crime in this one!
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