by 88girfriend
really liked it ... very well done tho a little rushed ... i could have read another page or two of the seduction and lead-in to sex ... that was the best part for me ... nothing like two athletic ladies getting together :)
I am a hetero man, but this story of two VERY sexy women almost steamed up my glasses. Loved it!
Editing is in progress, please bare with me. Chapter 1 and 2 will be updated soon.
twist on the butch coach...pretty well-endowed femme coach .. w/decided top/domme bent...
and suspect mom(single-?) no dummy...
For future reference...why so rushed? Seduction even with a willing partner to be, is a thing of art not wam bam thank you man; even if it is on a erotic website mainly trolled by men. So take your time and flesh it out build up the crescendo, let it off the boil and build up again just like a roller coaster.
Thank you so much for your comment. You are right. This one was a little fast. I learned how to add more detail later thanks to readers just like you, leaving good, helpful comments. I hope you enjoy the next chapters
The story was very bad. It felt like you were rushing to write the story sorry but it was a huge turn off
Dont be sorry for having an opinion. I did write that pretty quickly. Chapter 2 is short as well but by chapter three I feel the story really takes off. I hope you can hang in with it til then. Thanks for your feedback.