All Comments on 'Rob's Saga Ch. 02'

by RogueAlan

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  • 18 Comments
dirtdigger1955dirtdigger1955over 14 years ago
Damn....

good story.Was thinking 'Bullshit' at the start, but you convinced me. Say, you know JPB has a lot of stories that need a 'GOOD' ending, You up for the job Rogue? Unless this is JPB writing on one of his numerous exes computer. Good job, Cheers

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Pretty Good Job

Overall pretty good job. The writing could have been better, but I really liked the way you took the elements provided by JPB and carried them out to a good ending. As I said before, the actual writing could have been better... It seemed to me as if you had rushed it, maybe trying to be the first one to respond?

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Not sure if I likr this or not

It is very hard to follow up on another writer's work. JLB has a unique style, with the ability to include small details that make a story breath. This story didn't flow as well as the first part. Some of the conclusions and solutions to Rob's problems didn't make since if you reread the first story. If the biker's and wife were out to ruin the husbands career and to get access to the new software he was working, why did she leave to begin with. The solution to that question doesn't fit the action taken. Pleas read both stories again and you will see other areas where things were not well thought out.

zorillozorilloover 14 years ago
Liked your story

The structure of your writing left some to be desired. It is desirable to use conjunctions(and, but, etc) more often than you have. The trick is to learn to break down the rapid succesion of sentences, but not over use conjunctions.

lancewmlancewmover 14 years ago
Overall, a good story extension

The narrative was much easier to follow. The dialogue was difficult because you would provide dialogue from one person and then a physical action like shruging from the second person in the same paragraph. For good flowing dialogue, if there is action attached to the dialogue, the dialogue and action from one person should be in the same paragraph. Usually, some action from a person: Jake scowled. "I don't believe you."

bruce22bruce22over 14 years ago
Fun Ending

The point is that this is an enjoyable ending even if the plots of the biker gang do not seem very realistic. But I am here to enjoy!

oldwayneoldwayneabout 14 years ago
I liked it.

I thought your ending was a good one. Thanks for your story. I hope to see more of your work.

devildog26devildog26about 14 years ago
You done good

Really enjoyed your story. Tightly knit and well crafted. You need to write more!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Winnah!

good job, man.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
You

bable...bill

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
I liked it: 5*****

Thanks, tom anon

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
While a tad overdone

I liked this ending better than Bob's. Now if we can just start a club where every author takes a turn at finishing one of JPB's multitude of unfinished stories we might be done in about 5 years.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Not Bad

Not a bad story but not JPB. It was a valient attempt and I did enjoy it. Kudos to Bob for allowing this kind of thing. My

jtwheelsjtwheelsalmost 4 years ago
Suspended reality and loved it

Ok even if not USMC

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Doesn't seem the same story- None of the characters sound like JPB created them.

WargamerWargamerover 1 year ago

A bit different to the original story, but l liked it. A lot of fun.

4/5

DickSnugfitDickSnugfitabout 1 year ago

...this doesn't follow on to JPB's "Rob's Saga" Ch's 1+2 at all! WTF?

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