Very well written and a good read. The plot hole is huge though and for a flash type story it's fatal. I mean what's the purpose of having two PIs? Plus, the man gets negative points from me for lying about having a PI. Why lie? OTOH, if you lose the last few lines it's brilliant!
Frankly, if you think you need the PI just have him say "so I located the PI and..."
Then there's the other little knife in her gut that you lose with the last section. How horrible for her to learn that the man she thought was going to marry her was having an affair with someone else at the same time! That's a great point lost with your ending.
Okay, now that I've trashed the ending, let me say that I loved the scene you've set. The line about door slamming was a great touch! You made me see his room with the carpet on the wall (I'll bet it was long shag and a hideous shade of green (he got it cheap because no one else would buy it!)
This really is a very good story and very well written... I'd suggest a repost with a different ending.
by
Anonymous11/12/09
good story
liked story. especially liked the emotional swings from the wife... 1st put foot in mouth, then loophole, then reality of recognizing her confession on tape. would like to hear her discussion with lover after she moved out.
Maybe the confession was necessary because while the PI's may have gotten circumstantial evidence of an affair (pictures of dating behaviors and hotel visits by the two cheaters that could be explained away as innocent business meetings), there was probably nothing showing the couple "in flagrante delicto" and nothing beats direct evidence or a confession.
by
Anonymous11/12/09
Did his ruse work?
Did his wife dump her lover because he was cheating on her?
Frankly, I doubt it because the husband has to listed as plaintiff in the suit for alienation.
by
Anonymous11/12/09
Liked the twist - the slut deserves to be divorced
Enjoyable read!
by
Anonymous11/12/09
Sorry I dont find a hole in the plot.
The dumb woman just confessed her affair on tape while he plays innocent and records the entire sequence. Just as she thinks she is out of the frying pan he springs the trap shut. Why not have him served at home in front of his wife and kids. Gives the otehr wife all the evidence she needs to take him to the cleaners. People never understand you dont fuck with workmates. It makes nasty news releases and companies fire idiots that do this. One for the good guys!
The sneaky bastard! This was a very good lesson of having an open marriage if you want to screw around.
by
Anonymous11/12/09
Good Story
Nice and quick read. The second PI was for court, so the wife wouldn't recognise this one during her divorce. Then the seed of doubt would always be in her mind about the fidelity of her new beau. Ironic how someone who cheated with someone who was cheating with her wouldn't consider his fidelity until smacked in the face with it. Good read!
Short, but didn't leave anything out that needed to be in. Just strong enough to have roped her in, tied her and rung the bell as winner! All that and I got a good laugh! Thanks.
but YAY someone portrayed a stupid, selfish woman on this site who actually gets what cheating stupid, selfish women deserve in th end. Very succinct ations on his part, and his intelligence is revealed in the way he plays her. Bravo!
by
Anonymous11/13/09
The second P.I. author.....
....states was for diversion, but anon in cantadas idea better.Plot hole ignorable, explainable.(oops,^^ typo?) or no hey.-pistolpackinpeteguardintheborderinmaine
I loved the twist at the end. Devious, conniving...and she jumped in with both feet. Spectacular!
by
Anonymous11/13/09
A Very Good Short Story
I loved it from start to finish. Thanks.
by
Anonymous11/13/09
The Last laugh
This is HighIQ110 and yes from India.
I am a Post Graduate at Mathematics and MBA. An executive in corporate sector.
The story I have written, New Years Eve Party, is not my story. It has written by JPB in the name “The Benefits Man”.
I have just changed the names and reposted it. I have no intention to steal his or anyone’s story.
And I have no intention to write a single story here or any other website.
Then why I have done this? Because I want to show the world two things.
1. This is just what JPB is doing. He has saved a format in his computer and posting a new story changing the names and few things with the same plot.
2. Everyone is not block-headed fool like him.
I got 14 very interesting comments and total 125 nos…lol>
One of them told me that it is better than JPB.
I am really sorry for that JPB.
Who gets the last laugh ???
by
Anonymous11/14/09
Hey 110....
....if that's your I.Q., guess what?!!!-pistolpackinpete
by
Anonymous11/14/09
Coloration?
Coloration?
...In what way is this erotic? I'm going to go read some white papers about people who don't know the proper usage of nouns.
So to Summarise again from my point of view this time.
He got rid of the cheating bitch;
He got a settlement from the cheating asshole;
He got a settlement from his employer (he was banging his missus during business hours);
and
He got a great story to tell his friends........
Not to mention, that he also got to fuck up his ex-wife's relationship with her paramour. Well, what do you think she's now thinking? That bastard is stepping out on me with some other slut, and because he can't keep it in his pants, she's now been kicked to the curb.
Do you really think she'll believe him when he pleads innocence? She already knows he is an adulterous cretin. His track record speaks for itself, while her ex-husband is the pillar of society and has much more credibility in her eyes.
Oh what a tangled web you weave, when we first practice to deceive?
Sir Walter Scott
You're right about life GToast, she can be so sweet when she wants to.
Great story, nice ending and good flow. Please keep up the fine work.
No tape was not needed, it was the topping on the dessert. Please do not remove the last part it finishes the story very nicly
English
Nice.
Short, sharp and to the point. Well done GT. Good to see you back posting.
Yikes
Good story, mean wife, don't think I'd have been as nice.
No sense?
Why was it important to record her words when he had a PI follow them already, as well as serving the papers already?
A nice little tale
Thanks for writing.
as some one else already said Huge plot hole
its a nice short little tale that has a monster plot hole in it.
Better without the last paragraph
but nice twists.
Yes, nice
I liked the fact that he got her to admit her infidelity on tape. Puts the icing on the cake.
Thanks for sharing.
I'm disappointed...
Very well written and a good read. The plot hole is huge though and for a flash type story it's fatal. I mean what's the purpose of having two PIs? Plus, the man gets negative points from me for lying about having a PI. Why lie? OTOH, if you lose the last few lines it's brilliant!
Frankly, if you think you need the PI just have him say "so I located the PI and..."
Then there's the other little knife in her gut that you lose with the last section. How horrible for her to learn that the man she thought was going to marry her was having an affair with someone else at the same time! That's a great point lost with your ending.
Okay, now that I've trashed the ending, let me say that I loved the scene you've set. The line about door slamming was a great touch! You made me see his room with the carpet on the wall (I'll bet it was long shag and a hideous shade of green (he got it cheap because no one else would buy it!)
This really is a very good story and very well written... I'd suggest a repost with a different ending.
good story
liked story. especially liked the emotional swings from the wife... 1st put foot in mouth, then loophole, then reality of recognizing her confession on tape. would like to hear her discussion with lover after she moved out.
RC
Good Humor
Good Humor
Re alleged plot hole
Maybe the confession was necessary because while the PI's may have gotten circumstantial evidence of an affair (pictures of dating behaviors and hotel visits by the two cheaters that could be explained away as innocent business meetings), there was probably nothing showing the couple "in flagrante delicto" and nothing beats direct evidence or a confession.
Did his ruse work?
Did his wife dump her lover because he was cheating on her?
Frankly, I doubt it because the husband has to listed as plaintiff in the suit for alienation.
Liked the twist - the slut deserves to be divorced
Enjoyable read!
Sorry I dont find a hole in the plot.
The dumb woman just confessed her affair on tape while he plays innocent and records the entire sequence. Just as she thinks she is out of the frying pan he springs the trap shut. Why not have him served at home in front of his wife and kids. Gives the otehr wife all the evidence she needs to take him to the cleaners. People never understand you dont fuck with workmates. It makes nasty news releases and companies fire idiots that do this. One for the good guys!
I Liked It
Well said, and a little quirky.
Cute
But this is another story better suited for Readers Digest this is literotica not lit short comedy. Good luck!!!
Good Story
with a nice twist. I guess many of the commentators do not like vanilla ice cream on their apple pie! Good to see the author back at the serving line.
A nice story, funny and lite
A nice fast moving short story. Complete in every way, and well written.Thanks
That was fun.
Thanks! I enjoyed that read.
Great little story
The plot hole that Harry sees is the blind spot in his brain created by his enourmous ego.
Very good story
A fresh look at the husband recording the confession of the cheating wife. Well-written and a good wrap up at the end.
Thanks for the story.
He lied to her
The sneaky bastard! This was a very good lesson of having an open marriage if you want to screw around.
Good Story
Nice and quick read. The second PI was for court, so the wife wouldn't recognise this one during her divorce. Then the seed of doubt would always be in her mind about the fidelity of her new beau. Ironic how someone who cheated with someone who was cheating with her wouldn't consider his fidelity until smacked in the face with it. Good read!
the_scribbler
Clever little story
I liked this story - is refreshing to have a story that is clever and shows some imagination. Great twist with the, "what, not me" bluff.
Delightfully done!
Short, but didn't leave anything out that needed to be in. Just strong enough to have roped her in, tied her and rung the bell as winner! All that and I got a good laugh! Thanks.
Good Story
Well Done---very good
Not to sound too mysogynistic
but YAY someone portrayed a stupid, selfish woman on this site who actually gets what cheating stupid, selfish women deserve in th end. Very succinct ations on his part, and his intelligence is revealed in the way he plays her. Bravo!
The second P.I. author.....
....states was for diversion, but anon in cantadas idea better.Plot hole ignorable, explainable.(oops,^^ typo?) or no hey.-pistolpackinpeteguardintheborderinmaine
had the flow
of a cow bashing through a fence .Sorry but humor wise it was so disjointed that it just frankly wasen't funny.
Great, beginning to end
I loved the twist at the end. Devious, conniving...and she jumped in with both feet. Spectacular!
A Very Good Short Story
I loved it from start to finish. Thanks.
The Last laugh
This is HighIQ110 and yes from India.
I am a Post Graduate at Mathematics and MBA. An executive in corporate sector.
The story I have written, New Years Eve Party, is not my story. It has written by JPB in the name “The Benefits Man”.
I have just changed the names and reposted it. I have no intention to steal his or anyone’s story.
And I have no intention to write a single story here or any other website.
Then why I have done this? Because I want to show the world two things.
1. This is just what JPB is doing. He has saved a format in his computer and posting a new story changing the names and few things with the same plot.
2. Everyone is not block-headed fool like him.
I got 14 very interesting comments and total 125 nos…lol>
One of them told me that it is better than JPB.
I am really sorry for that JPB.
Who gets the last laugh ???
Hey 110....
....if that's your I.Q., guess what?!!!-pistolpackinpete
Coloration?
Coloration?
...In what way is this erotic? I'm going to go read some white papers about people who don't know the proper usage of nouns.
Funny?
- Yes!!
Your stories a good...but
way too brief. A little background and story development would be nice.
Original, direct to the point story
Well done author. Didn't mince with words on this one. A bit funny too.
Nice comment "lancewm". To the fools that think they know it all. ML
If the plot hole is supposed to be....
....that he didn't need to record her, that bit was just for her bewilderment, not to please the court, duh!
Oh yeah, actually, lance has a slight case of forked tongue disease.....
since he's always telling posters whether or not they should be reading that genre.
short and sweet
That is a good summary. She played with barry, and the two of them paid the price. This was nicley done
That is so Sweet....lol
So to Summarise again from my point of view this time.
He got rid of the cheating bitch;
He got a settlement from the cheating asshole;
He got a settlement from his employer (he was banging his missus during business hours);
and
He got a great story to tell his friends........
Not to mention, that he also got to fuck up his ex-wife's relationship with her paramour. Well, what do you think she's now thinking? That bastard is stepping out on me with some other slut, and because he can't keep it in his pants, she's now been kicked to the curb.
Do you really think she'll believe him when he pleads innocence? She already knows he is an adulterous cretin. His track record speaks for itself, while her ex-husband is the pillar of society and has much more credibility in her eyes.
Oh what a tangled web you weave, when we first practice to deceive?
Sir Walter Scott
You're right about life GToast, she can be so sweet when she wants to.
I giggled myself silly
Amanda
Loved it.
Great story, nice ending and good flow. Please keep up the fine work.
No tape was not needed, it was the topping on the dessert. Please do not remove the last part it finishes the story very nicly
I gave it a number five,
simply because it was a great read. R.T.
Great story
Please Sir may I have MORE!
Great story but too short for 5*****s
So I gave it a 3.
nice touch, having it recorded
lol.......you pull a sweep move, getting rid of every one at once
Even more
She now thinks that Barry has been stepping out on HER!
Too bad you hadn't added that dollop to the mix. Certainly she would be thinking about it.
The digital recording thing was short of shoe horned in so the reader couldn't detect it coming, but overall it was a nice tale.
Awesome
Such a fun little tale.
Excellent
I hate cheating wives.
I love when they get screwed in the end.
OH YEAH
Nice story!
And the set up was in the first line! And nobody spotted it! Well done!
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