Yep. the ending makes no sense. Why do they want their wives fucked & who is Obi?
by
Anonymous11/15/09
looks okay to me
Looks okay to me. Don't know what the others are talking about. Perhaps you could write a sequel - make it into a series to explain some background info?
Yes, there is a sequel in the works that explains why the men in the church want their wives fucked, though I don't think that's hard to understand lol they're pervets, really, that's all.
And Mr Obi is a church member. He was seen talking to Stanley, but the character did not hear what they were talking about. At the end of the story, you pretty much find out that Mr Obi was asking Stanley for the same "wife treatment" everyone else has been asking for. Simple.
Good job. The calls at the end were kind of a twist; I thought they were fine.
One thing though. You use dialog just fine overall. But, you need to use double quote marks (" ") for regular dialog. Single quote marks (' ') are for quotes within quotes. Example...
"What did he say?" said John.
"He said, 'I love you,' is all" said Mary.
I'm not being critical, just suggesting.
Matt Moreau
by
Anonymous11/15/09
Nope this story just proves to me
That ALL religous men and women are ARSEHOLES. Just like the writer. Maybe if there is a GOD he will appear in the sequel and wipe all the sick fucks from the planet. That would be a better story not this clusterfuck of a story. This is just another story of a cheating group of swingers, sluts, whores and cucks. So no different to any other so called 'Loving wife' story. And there is nothing erotic about this story at all. But I guess the writer will probably get off on this story as I see MATT has as well.
@ Matt Moreau: thanks for the advice. The reason I used the single quotation marks is because I'm British and that's how we write over here. We use single quote marks for dialogues. Americans use the double quote marks ;D
@ Anon: lmao! I swear your comment cracked me up real bad. Did a religious person screw you over or something? Lol! hahahaha!
Exactly what people were complaining about is what made
the story more than a simple stroke story.
by
Anonymous11/16/09
Do some of you, actually
read a story? The phone calls made this story, the twist that was needed to the ending. And who is Obi? If the author has to explain, it already went over your head. Not a bad read author. Thanks. ML
English
Learn to quit when you are ahead
The story was passable until you got to the phone calls at the end. The phone calls barely make sense and definitely ruin the story.
Who is Obi?
Yep. the ending makes no sense. Why do they want their wives fucked & who is Obi?
looks okay to me
Looks okay to me. Don't know what the others are talking about. Perhaps you could write a sequel - make it into a series to explain some background info?
Cheers
Yes, there is a sequel in the works that explains why the men in the church want their wives fucked, though I don't think that's hard to understand lol they're pervets, really, that's all.
And Mr Obi is a church member. He was seen talking to Stanley, but the character did not hear what they were talking about. At the end of the story, you pretty much find out that Mr Obi was asking Stanley for the same "wife treatment" everyone else has been asking for. Simple.
Good job
G,
Good job. The calls at the end were kind of a twist; I thought they were fine.
One thing though. You use dialog just fine overall. But, you need to use double quote marks (" ") for regular dialog. Single quote marks (' ') are for quotes within quotes. Example...
"What did he say?" said John.
"He said, 'I love you,' is all" said Mary.
I'm not being critical, just suggesting.
Matt Moreau
Nope this story just proves to me
That ALL religous men and women are ARSEHOLES. Just like the writer. Maybe if there is a GOD he will appear in the sequel and wipe all the sick fucks from the planet. That would be a better story not this clusterfuck of a story. This is just another story of a cheating group of swingers, sluts, whores and cucks. So no different to any other so called 'Loving wife' story. And there is nothing erotic about this story at all. But I guess the writer will probably get off on this story as I see MATT has as well.
Thanks for the advice
@ Matt Moreau: thanks for the advice. The reason I used the single quotation marks is because I'm British and that's how we write over here. We use single quote marks for dialogues. Americans use the double quote marks ;D
@ Anon: lmao! I swear your comment cracked me up real bad. Did a religious person screw you over or something? Lol! hahahaha!
00
00
Nice Twist
Exactly what people were complaining about is what made
the story more than a simple stroke story.
Do some of you, actually
read a story? The phone calls made this story, the twist that was needed to the ending. And who is Obi? If the author has to explain, it already went over your head. Not a bad read author. Thanks. ML
It SUCKED:
IT SUCKED!
Gross.
Seriously gross...
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