. . . and ruined it with DD tits. Then it started running again and seemed to get better. Oh, but was I wrong! You hustled to a finish with far too little detail to help the time fly and the action accelerate. You took a great concept and blew it big time. Perhaps try a rewrite and make it great. You just might have it in you!
...it would be a Hershey's Kiss. Sweet and kinda chocolatey but small and a little waxy for my taste. You definitely have a style, doom. Unfortunately, a lot of readers here are looking for something larger and richer. What you do in your next few stories will depend on whether you're writing for yourself or writing for them. Either way, do what makes you happy. :)
English
You had a good scenario planned . . .
. . . and ruined it with DD tits. Then it started running again and seemed to get better. Oh, but was I wrong! You hustled to a finish with far too little detail to help the time fly and the action accelerate. You took a great concept and blew it big time. Perhaps try a rewrite and make it great. You just might have it in you!
If this story were candy...
...it would be a Hershey's Kiss. Sweet and kinda chocolatey but small and a little waxy for my taste. You definitely have a style, doom. Unfortunately, a lot of readers here are looking for something larger and richer. What you do in your next few stories will depend on whether you're writing for yourself or writing for them. Either way, do what makes you happy. :)
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