All Comments  for

I Control Minds Ch. 01

bypenasweapon©
All
Comments (4)
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by C_frommn11/28/09

Love the Story

Cant wait for you too follow-up. Would be nice to have MIL and Wife as his willing Slaves. Doing any and everything to get his Cock!

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous11/28/09

Show, Don't Tell

Work on your writing skills.

Your writing: As my head cleared I realized that I was alive.

Example of showing: I felt my head clearing. Was I alive? Of course I was, the question proved it.

All the conversation is she/he said. You should use quoted dialogue.

"You son of a bitch," the scraggly old guy screamed. "It's your fault. You turned right into me."

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by digdaddyrich01/01/10

Oh Yea! make them work for it.

Turn both mother in law and wife into cock sucking sluts, and cum dumps. Thanks for the good story

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous03/13/14

Goddammit... Learn how the Fuck

To use dialog...

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!  or
Back to I Control Minds Ch. 01  or
More submissions by penasweapon.

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel