Very well written, and it conjures up a nice scene of love, sex and genuine passion. Much better than the run-of-the-mill "whip it out and shove it in" stories we see.
For a first time story this was good. And yes it was sexy and romantic at the same time. Well done Ginger_Girl I look forward to your more stories from you.
This was a good stroke story, although I would look askance on driving, especially in the mountains, after drinking margaritas.
by
12/06/09
Very well done
I really liked it. Honestly. The only problem I had was the same problem that I am having with my own story. When you speak in the first person, and are addressing your audience directly (i.e.: I, and YOU), you wind up saying "You did", "I did" all the time. there's really no way around that, and I have found (on my second story) that writing in the third person creates a much easier read. The problem is that third person removes the intimacy. Your story was intimate and touching while being sexy at the same time.
I'm giving you a five because for your first story, and a stroker, you deserve it. It was cute, fun and lighthearted.
That said I might try and cut down on the ellipses if I were you. Your choice, but it will lower your score. It irks a little seeing it that often. Also I'm not a fan of 2nd and would love to see what you could do with first or third. Hope you enjoyed writing your first story and write a lot more.
A few typos, and I find ellipses distracting. Still, a fun, affectionate story about people who want each other happy. Lots of lovely physical detail makes it especially worthwhile. We need more like that - I can't wait!
If this is your first work, I do so hope you will continue! Outstanding first effort! Is very easy to imaging what you describe. I enjoy the use of ellipses, as it gives me the feeling of breathless passion... sensuality taking over... unable to form complete sentences.
:)
Thank you for sharing!
by
Anonymous12/11/09
WOW!!!
Damn hot story!!! Great, one of the best I've read here!
I normally don't like second person narratives, this one though really sucked me in. Keep it up.
by
Anonymous12/31/09
damn good!
this story was REALLY good! so awesome! It really put me in the person's shoes, the feelings, the sensations! 5 star for sure! thank you-your writing is appreciated!
English
Very nice indeed.
Very well written, and it conjures up a nice scene of love, sex and genuine passion. Much better than the run-of-the-mill "whip it out and shove it in" stories we see.
Very nice story.
For a first time story this was good. And yes it was sexy and romantic at the same time. Well done Ginger_Girl I look forward to your more stories from you.
Good story
Your story was great for a first submission. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories. Keep up the good work.
Very well done.
Great! Passionate and arousing. Please submit more and often. Lit needs more talents like yours.
Good
This was a good stroke story, although I would look askance on driving, especially in the mountains, after drinking margaritas.
Very well done
I really liked it. Honestly. The only problem I had was the same problem that I am having with my own story. When you speak in the first person, and are addressing your audience directly (i.e.: I, and YOU), you wind up saying "You did", "I did" all the time. there's really no way around that, and I have found (on my second story) that writing in the third person creates a much easier read. The problem is that third person removes the intimacy. Your story was intimate and touching while being sexy at the same time.
Very well done.
Good first story
Good luck with your writing. It was interesting to see another first/second person attempt.
Not a bad start
I'm giving you a five because for your first story, and a stroker, you deserve it. It was cute, fun and lighthearted.
That said I might try and cut down on the ellipses if I were you. Your choice, but it will lower your score. It irks a little seeing it that often. Also I'm not a fan of 2nd and would love to see what you could do with first or third. Hope you enjoyed writing your first story and write a lot more.
Good first story
A few typos, and I find ellipses distracting. Still, a fun, affectionate story about people who want each other happy. Lots of lovely physical detail makes it especially worthwhile. We need more like that - I can't wait!
Welcome and congrats!
If this is your first work, I do so hope you will continue! Outstanding first effort! Is very easy to imaging what you describe. I enjoy the use of ellipses, as it gives me the feeling of breathless passion... sensuality taking over... unable to form complete sentences.
:)
Thank you for sharing!
WOW!!!
Damn hot story!!! Great, one of the best I've read here!
Good...
I normally don't like second person narratives, this one though really sucked me in. Keep it up.
damn good!
this story was REALLY good! so awesome! It really put me in the person's shoes, the feelings, the sensations! 5 star for sure! thank you-your writing is appreciated!
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