Not the story. The writer. You know you can turn the comments off if they bother you that much.
Bob Got even with his Buddy Harry and his (Harrys) wife got Even Too.
Everyone but the Original Cheaters are Happy.
I quite like Harry actually, but a great change to to the normal.
Great little story, funny as hell too!
I hope Harry, Risq and Zed aren't too upset at your little barb.
I like most of your stories, but this one just didn't work.
I think it's because the format you adopted is just too busy, jumping back and forth with the dialogue - names all over the place!
I think you may be experimenting here but, in my view, your normal, descriptive style is far better for storytelling.
For my money, you'd be better off sticking to what you're good at. Either way, best of luck!
The biter, bit. An amusing way of resolving issues, although when someone slates one of my stories I try to see if they have a valid point.
At least we all KNOW who is the better man. I dont know ANYTHING about Hansbwl. But he has accused me of being
why? Becuase I dont like SOME of HIS idiot stories.
If hansbwl wantedto ask me about how and why I rate stories he could always do that.
Entertaining and fast to read, still needed more graphic sex to be one of the best though. That's all it would take is some good old sweaty pussy pounding graphic fucking to make it a great story.
in turn belittled yourself into a useless nothing. Actually you promoted yourself into the position of those that belittle Palin simply because she is the real threat to them. If you cant beat someone try to simply pull them down. Yawn.........
BUT I'D BE AT BOB AND MILLIE'S HOUSE DESTROYING THE LEXUS AND WHATEVERELSE WAS VALUABLE TO BOB SO WE ALL 4 WOULD BE BROKE IN THE END. THE REDHEAD WOULD PAY DEARLY FOR TRYING TO TAKE MY MONEY THAT I WORKED FOR DOESN'T MATTER IF I DID WRONG OR NOT I PREFER TO WILLFULLY DESTROY ENOUGH STUFF OF THEIRS IT BEEN CHEAPER TO LET ME KEEP ALL THE MONEY, EVEN IF I HAD TO SPEND SOMETIME IN THE COUNTY JAIL. YES I'M THAT SELFISH.
EVERYONE'S NIGHTMARE, LOL
I can appreciate your effort. Criticism is not always easy to accept, but any married man should be quite used to it. Writers need readers. We can't alienate them because they don't like some of our stories. We, the writers, can choose to allow comments, and if we do, we should be prepared for negative ones. "Eat shit and die" comes to mind as my personal favorite from my readers. Writers need readers and comments increase readership. Comments are a two edged sword. Don't let them cause you to fall on yours. How's that for mixing metaphors?
For the record I do like Red hair, I guess that's a crime now >;)
And again for the record my "first" character was a blonde with an incredible body if I remember correctly
But that's only one out of lets see, six major characters? Oh well.
Wait I needed a point didn't I?
Heck you didn't have one so why should I. Have a nice day
PS: I have no problem with you picking on me. Have at it. We all need a hobby (^_^)
And by the way I love a good percentage of that other Scandinavian's work. He's pretty good. I'd say I like about 85-90% of his stuff in total. And god knows I'm the last to pick on anyone for spelling or tense error's (^_^)
Nicely done. Very entertaining.
Pick on me all you like, it won't make me like that story any better.
You know the one where you have the main character talking about how much she enjoyed screwing everyone over and how she enjoyed getting her affair over on her husband without any consequences
Dude, look I get it too. You don't have a lock on folks not liking your idea. I can't count the time I've gotten an email that said "You put zippers and bra's in that time period? How Anachronistic can you get."
Who uses that in every day speech? Who in the name of god uses it at all? I've gotten at least a couple hundred of those emails! What, did the local college have new word day or something? I find it hard to believe it was on the same word of the day calendars that everyone got all at once.
And I created an entirely new freaking world and so I get to say whats in it or not (^_^)
And I just got one yesterday telling the way I should have written it and what the "correct" words were I should have used. Oh and he mentioned that he couldn't give me more than a 6 because I needed more varied words in my selections.
But regardless, dude, just cause I didn't like it doesn't make you a bad writer. I just didn't enjoy that story. Just by this short bit you wrote tells me you don't like negative comments anymore than I like them either.
Lets agree to disagree here huh?
PS: There are times I want to be the Story Nazi like the character who was the Soup Nazi in the "Seinfield" skit and go "No story for you!" (^_^)
And a bit of a waste, but I usually like your stuff and hope you feel better.
Harry and Risq's very long and sometimes VERY tedious comments. I thought this story was spot on. I don't always like this writers stories but at least he has the gtus to write a story, good or bad. I am just waiting for the day when Harry writes a story. With all his wealth of experience of the LW section he could write a good story. Instead he always sits at the back of the theater or Cinema and heckles everyone elses work. It's easy from the cheap seats isn't it Harry? You too Risq.ooo You sit alongside Harry don't you? your comments are often LONGER than the stories? can't you EVER just read a story and take it for what it is? Do you really have to get Anal about EVERY story you ever read? It sure seems like it. Anyway Hansbawl. You seem to have hit the nail on the head with Harry and Risq although to be fair to ZED0 he is at least consistant and he is always honest in his comments. Harry and Risq just like to read their own comments. Oh and yes being Anon is quite liberating.
but no LOL or any depth. The funny thing is that it sounded more like a JPB story. If you had not named your puppets you could have developed the characters more and thus gotten a more interesting story. You could have had one
shouting half the time and complaining about plot errors when the wrong team wins the baseball game they are watching, have another make short sharp comments and the third talk in circles... and we would have caught on sooner or later! Perhaps you should have put JPB in the closet...
Should probably be in 'humor & satire' or maybe there should be a new category 'inside baseball'! LOL!
but you're still a douchebag.
No wimps here, in fact I can't wait for the next chapter. As I recollect; Zed was not all that impressed with the wimp in "Wild Card" but he always appreciates a compelling story regardless of content.
Good little tongue in cheek tale. Still think you are one of the better authors in this genre and hope you continue to submit regardless of what the nukers say. Isn't it ironic that they continue to read new stories when they know what type of ending it will probably have? Thanks for all the enjoyment,
I liked it. Tongue in cheek, but also still one the mark. As a reader, it is a bit frustrating to see Harry's and Risq's comments based on how they think YOU and other writers should write your stories. Seems to me if they don't like a writers work, then don't read it.
really good and the reactions even the better. those who are able to put down about every second story, cos the other half they did not read, can't even take a nice joke. so what does that tell us all? somebody who is not able to laugh about himself is really dangerous cos his ego is just soooooooooooooooooo big that he can't accept another opignion. that was the sad part. the good part was the story and those who understood the joke, like me (Anonymous)
) who is just to fucking lazy to get an account but still likes to write some comments every now and then :-)
Like your 'Challenge' story, you are spot on! I hope to be a writer one day, but after 2 PC crashes, I'm Beginning to think it's God's will that I don't!! Too often I've read a story that I enjoyed only to read comments from the 'characters' in your story slam the author. I've always tried to apply the logic to discard the best & worst comments, and rely on those of us in the middle, the fans that look every day for something from their favs. Keep up the GREAT writing sir, and disregard the comments from English majors, Pervs and the Morally Righteous!! Thanks!
P.S. I almost always read JPB's stories knowing I won't like the ending, but at least he does end them (most of the time abyway, HA HA))!!
Tom in Vegas Baby!!
this story is beneath you. Out of the 18 stories you have on this site I enjoyed 15 of them. Several of them have brought a unique and wonderful prespective to the cheating spouse sub-category. These stories bring a special emotional response because everyone has a view on this subject. Cheating may be a manifest act of someone unhappy in their marriage for a variety of reasons but it remains an act of disrespect and dishonor. Divorce remains a major cause of family and societal unhappiness in this country but breakups due to betrayal are particularly painful and leads to lonely lives. I do not comment on most of the stories I read on this site because quite frankly most do not deserve comment. Although we know in real life bad people win out I do not like stories where the wicked win out over the innocent. Just a character flaw. But there is a host of plots where things are not just black and white and those stories provide the most value. Human beings aare complicated creatures so the wife who cheats may have good reasons in her mind to do so. Anyway I encourage you to move pass this and recognize that some people may not like a story but we all can respect the talent and creativity of the story.
Oophs, I hit the 100 by mistake. Dang! You also get points off because Anonymous failed to correct anyone's grammer or syntax. Lastly, this obviously is in the wrong category since there is no loving wife! So there! Frankly, Harry wasn't long winded enough (doesn't matter that he is often right or not). Thanks for the fun spoof, -Ttom
Actually didn't think it was much of a story but I love the discussion. It takes a lot of guts to put a story out here in the L.W. section. There are writer's workshops where there is lots of mutual admiration, but here, because the core of relationships are discussed a lot of raw emotion is evoked. Those that are willing to weather the storm of negative comments have my utmost respect. Likewise, I really appreciate those that take the time to give thoughtful comments help me see things I otherwise would have missed. And its all for free. Thank you all. Keep it fun.
and Risq could have been a little more gracious in his rating but Harry looks a completely humped cunt as usual. Bet he wishes he'd come up with something a little smarter now, the pedantic twat.
Loved it, though. Great to see JPB win one.
Seems like a few can't take the heat when it's turned on them. I'm referring to the stars of this story and the "0" givers that follow them. They remind me of the whores that follow the rock stars, only in this case it's following the "Loving Wives" stories. Did anybody ever check on their biography data, worthless, same as their comments. Chuckle, Chuckle.
...because it won't stop criticism and wasn't very good.The Idea was great,delivery poor. I think. No,I believe. No,I Know.Damn,I thought I was the most pedantic commentator here.I do know that the wack-job that thinks Palin scares people is 100% correct.She scares any one who both thinks and cares about the level of discourse in politics.Or the Repugnant party.I mean,Replebian party.Or, Republican Farty.Something like that.Most of your story's are good,(though slightly tortured linguistically),but I hope you read HDK's take on the writer reader symbiosis.And I hope apologetic anonymous can see clear to using moniker at end of posts like I had to for a year or more due to stupid original registry fuck-up, along with my general hatred for joining anything.Harry at least has the cajones to take criticism himself,without hurling back childish slander.I don't!
C'mon Hansbwl, you can do better than that given all the material to work from. I just can't believe that it was so short. You had a good start to an on-going novel. Your character development could have used a little more work given that their personalities are laid right out there in black and white. You had tons of material to work from. The characters were pretty shallow and simple minded and even though that is a good summary of their character you should have gone into a little more depth as to why. It's not like there was a shortage of examples. I can't believe anyone could be that narrow minded as your characters when it comes to human behavior. Almost like all people react one specific way to certain situations or the story is just not believable or realistic. I did notice that the personalities that your characters were based on became a little defensive even as they were saying they didn't care. "Me thinks the protests too much." Keep up the good work. I wished I would have thought of it. Like I said, these characters have commented so much it would be easy to extrapolate enough information to develope very accurate personalities and accurately predict their behavior patterns. Which you did but I just would have liked to have seen more. Bravo
A good story but needs to be in Humor...
It was a good read with some well known authors as the characters - thanks author!
wimp, wimp, wimp (but I didn't give it "nil"). Seriously, I enjoy your stories. Thanks for posting.
This site gets more interesting by the day. The comments left by both readers and authors almost make as good reading as the stories but I never expected a story that included both!
WAT A HYPOCRITE HE WAS SAYING GETTING REVENGE IS GOOD IN THE STORIES AND HE WAS CHEATING IN REAL LIFE OH I HATE PRICKS LIKE THAT ,NOW HES A CUCKOLD TWAT
I was laughing my ass off just after the intro of the cast of characters. That really got my attention. Probably should have gone into hunour but then most of the readers would not recognise the cast members. And the comments...so good. If you can't take the heat sort of thing. Loved it. Thanks.
is a horrible way to testify. TK U MLJ LV NV
I LIKED IT, short but sweet
Short and sweet. Right to the point.
Too fucking good for mere words -
The self righteous do have much further to fall don't they??
Nicely done and very funny -
Good quick read. two cheaters get the anally inserted footwear and the spouses get each other. kinda symmetry and a nice ride off into the sunset.
indicates more learning should be paramount in skullduggery, TK U MLJ LV NV
Thanks for sharing.
Really a good play...Thank you
Even as an occasional, non-prolific author I know it is easy for us to be thin-skinned and this includes authors of frequent and extensive comments. Personally I think it a compliment to be caricatured in a tongue-in-cheek story.
Five stars for a good laugh.
What fun!!! Revenge in the story against a fucking bastard as well as a dig at several of your favorite literotica commentators.
truly such stories bring a tear of joy to my eyes when you incorporate us the readers too in such a deft manner. Really enjoyed it. no use crying over split milk, in this case a wife's fidelity(WiFi),
many people cry over the loss of a spouse(death), that is good, you need to grieve the loss of a companion,
But crying over a adultery is not wrong, but a waste of time & unnecessary punishment on one's self, atleast from my/male perspective, oh you may feel i did not learn to love so deeply to feel that level of pain, i may be naive in your opinion, you may be absolutely right,
but we all come into this world alone, & we are to leave it alone, we may love on the way, we may commit crime on the way, we may have a very happy life or we may have a life filled with suffering, but one day the journey ends, either too soon, or at the riight time, nobody live too long,
once my father told me that you learn until the day you die, the day you stop learning is the day you die.
so according to the now famous Murphy's Law: everything that can happen will happen.
so life will give us good experiences & some bad, that is guaranteed, all we can do is learn from what life give us, & use that knowledge in our journey(life).
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!
orBack to One Act Drama
orMore submissions by hansbwl.
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about One Act Drama:
Login or Sign Up
All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark. No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.
Terms Of Services|Report A Problem|Privacy
Password:Forgot your password?
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.