Awesome story, makes me hard.
Awesome story, made me wet.
I'm still panting and tingling. Please continue on with the story.
cut off too soon. Two or three more sentences could have given it a less abrupt finish. I did like the story and your writing, just suggest you keep it for a couple days and then reread to get a "cold" perspective. Please keep at it.
Good story. It is so real and not exaggerated. Keep writing
Had a nice sense of believability . . . very erotic. Cries out for a second chapter!
Sophie, absolutely fantastic story thanks, I was that guy and wow how hot was that.
A decent story, but you really rushed it. Jack basically seduced Sophie in less than five minutes and then the sex was even quicker. Develop the seduction and the characters some more and a story like this can be really good.
I agree with most other comments. Your story although good was told too quickly.
Telling a story is like making love. If you want to improve then slow down and make it last longer.
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