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English
wow!!!
please keep it coming?
There had better be more comming
or I will be sorely disappointed. A wonderful start to a series, well written and captured me very quickly, I look forward to more.
very good start...
i can't wait to hear more! this sounds like it's going to be a good story.
ohhh
i like this.cant wait to see want happens.i think he likes her.please dont make us wait too long for the next chapter.ps.male it longer.thanks (merry crimbo)
great start!
can't wait for the next chapter. the heat between these 2 characters is palpable. good job!
+START THE HUNT+
READING THIS SENT LIQUID FIRE THROUGH MY VEINS.I ENJOYED THE DOMINANCE FR BOTH OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS & THE LUST PRESENTED IN SUCH A PRIMAL FORM. KEEP IT CUMMIN'!
Good story line but
poor editing. The spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes distracted from the actual storytelling. If you improve those areas, your story will be much better. Hopefully you have fixed some of those things for chapter 2.
It's a good idea
and I would never say anything bad to a new writer, but please, get an editor. The long paragraphs are harder to read on computer and there were several words that you used where I think you meant other words. I hate grammar myself, but have learned that by rereading, you make the story flow smoother and people enjoy reading it more. Don't give up, just watch for the mistakes a bit more.
Great start
Very interesting beginning, I'm so curious to see what comes next. It needs a little editing, but the premise is excellent.
Omg
Wow I enjoyed this. Keep up the good work...
Love a immortal you know from Immortalnight and somewhat in rl. XD
Why??
Why did you make her WEAK??.. In the first part of the training she is this strong freakish swordpersons .. and at the end you have her running off embarrassed and nearly in tears cause she's aroused by some dude she attracted to.. What is she 12 or a grown ass women who can kick ass and not let some dumb ass comment turn her into mush.. well since there are numerous chapters for me to read i go find out.. she better toughen the fuck up! ..lol
grammar & spelling
Please please get an editor!!
good story
I found it very enjoyable read.....and If there were errors.....I saw none for what I saw was pictures.....with your words.
Good Story
You need an editor, but the story has a good premise.
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