You Could've Heard a Pin Drop

Nice.

Very nice story. Always read your work and enjoy. Thanks.

Cant give you a five the guy was to much of a wimp

You dont wait until your face is smeared in it. A slut is a slut and he had the worst kind. One that smiles and says she loves you to your face, and runs around on you behind your back. Such women usually wind up dead and the husbands in jail.

This one was pretty good . . .

This had a nice, Louis L'Amour, down-to-earth cadence that is the mark of a good story-teller. This sort of thing could happen in real life, probably does in fact. I enjoyed the story and would like to read more like this one. Thanks for writing.

Too lazy

Any woman who would say ""But I didn't cheat. I didn't sleep with Bill; we just danced and fooled around a little. Maybe I did let things go too far that night, but I wasn't going to sleep with him. I wasn't Jake," she told me." is mentally disturbed, it would show in ALL of the other aspects of her life. It is a sign of LAZY writing when you completely distort behavoir to conveniently fit into a story. You presented an amazing women that he was in love with, then decided at the last minute that she would be a wacko, and unbalanced. Doesn't wash, all this story does is PISS OFF READERS. Take your time, re-read your postings, catch your grammer and spelling errors, and decide if YOU even come close to believeing the story, BEFORE YOU POST.

Sad

A lovely,but sad story. Thanks

Very well put together amusement

Dr Jekyl could be Jackie's alterego. The idea that people capable of doing these things and still behave normally and even believe that they were within the rules of game. Look at Mr. Clinton.... Still nothing is worse than the deliberate lie in order to have a bit of fun.. He was lucky that he met someone that he had to believe. The lady was way over any type of boundary. Well written and convincing. Thanks.

great story - is there a continuation?

Overall, this story is like most others by this author: top-notch. Why not Rose to repave Jackie? Rose seems more suited for him? Whether the story is to be continued or not, I like it. But it just does not seem complete and is only 2 pages of text. RAG

Excellent read

The characters were consistent and Jack was someone who we could identify with. Remarkable achievement in this category. Most of the stories recently have been about stupid jerks that create the story tension through idiocy. Congratulations for a pleasant change.

Jack sounds like a loser

So he takes on a 3rd degree black belt and wins because he is so tough? What-the-fuck-ever! 3rd degree means 15 years of training, damn near 6 days a week and some "construction worker" is gonna fuck him up...right...NOT! So this bully, yells that his ex can't go to a public building because he's gone there for years and it's his hangout? And everyone is ok with that? Furthermore, he antagonizes a volatile situation and insults some guy because he's a tough guy and...what? Help me out here, why the fuck would anyone want to be near this loser. Sounds like he needs some anger fucking management. And that's not even the first page. Shit like this is boring.

Hard to rate???????

The story was well written, But booooooring!!!!!!! Storys like this should be enter in a Readers Digest type contest."Good Luck"

thanks

thanks it was a good read. Mike from Texas

a really

sad story but just too true. women always want more than they have. it's sad that you have to control them like little kids, otherwise they just get out of hand.

Inevitable

Jake is kind of a dick. The outcome is about the best that could have happened with his attitude.

Jakes a Turd! I Found myself rooting for Bill!

Too much macho posturing! Jake may have suckered the black belt once, but not twice. In the real world Bill would have just walked up to Jake where there were no tables/chairs (whatever)and cleaned his clock. As a matter of fact in chapter two, after Bill beats the crap outta Jake he should make him watch while he fucks Jackie, now THAT would be a good read.

Just Shows

You don't walk into a guys bar with his woman and come out of it O.K. Bill is a asshole and pushed his way into their lives, like they say talking a knife to a gunfight, don't fuck with a guy in his house. Thanks.

A well written complete story

Well done,fast paced and a good story line. Thanks

Alchoholic thug

I normally admire your writing, but in this story Jake sems to be an alchoholic thug who thinks he can beat everyone into his way of thinking.
the Ct. Yankee

what?

yea, im giving this a 75 because it sounded like jackie really screwed him up for women. im so glad he didnt take her back because the whole time i was thinking "no, hes not! is he?" and zed0? you are retarded. i third degree black belt doesnt necessarily mean that person is a badass or can fight. in fact, it sounds like you or someone you know got their ass kicked and you're still smarting over it. you also prob have a little dick and it makes you feel "macho" to act like a ass. back to the story, the suspense was great and while it was somewhat short, it had pretty much everything. only, i still cant get over the way you portrayed him as somewhat bitter-he couldnt find a woman that cut it, he hurt his knee, etc. however, i liked how you made it a point to say fuck you to all the nay sayers out there. to the people who say hes overreacting, acting like a child or thinking about his pride. so many people here seem to believe thats its pride that causes a man to overreact, to get upset when someone they love and who is supposed to love them, haves sex with other men/women. its like they think just because you love that person, you can forgive anything. well, shouldnt that work for the other side too? shouldnt they love them so much that they dont do anything they wouldnt do normally? like, oh i dont know, play tonsil hockey with another man after lying about where they're going?

nice story about anger...

....management but wish her motivations were fleshed out more-

Hey, Woodie

"marital" arts doesn't do a guy much good in a bar room brawl!

And then?

I read chapter 1 several weeks ago. I was left hoping to see the finale. Just discovered it and will be reading same shortly. If it is half as good as chapter 1 it will be an excellent read. Keep up the good work.

Well written tale!

Very good read with a lot of background and character development.
I know there is another chapter And I will get right to it after I hit the submit button!

Thanks for writing!

GOOD STORY!!!

Well written. Good Story Line!

fucking slut i would never talked to her again

IIIIIIIIIIIIII LIKED IT a great read and a great story. R.T.

BRILLIANT!

Thank you gotta love a story about man with his balls still attached thanks very much. KEEP WRITING

Good tale, a worthy start. But, I'm confused

that so many commenters have a bad view of our hero. He's called a bully, macho (presumably with a negative connotation), and a man who resorts to physical violence. He IS a tough man's man. He's been seriously wronged. But, he shows restraint-more than most men in his shoes, especially when he is a big, strong, tough guy who knows he can win a physical confrontation against the vast majority of men he might come across-by not taking a swing at a guy who is taking a run at his fiance. He only fights after he is hit, repeatedly, first.
As to the realism of a big, strong construction guy beating up a 3rd-degree black belt? The only unrealistic thing about it is that he did it after getting his nose broken-that will usually incapacitate someone. I took two years of karate (not much), and by that time I could whoop my black belt instructor in sparring-size and athleticism (and youth) can beat the hell out of technique and experience. I think about the early days of MMA-all these karate and kung fu "masters", and I remember a big tough-guy brawler named Tank Abbott with no marial arts training who just whipped the shit out of them. In real life a fight ain't a forms competition.
I do agree with one commenter who said that the fiance's lame excuses and explanations were so stupid and nonsensical (I didn't have SEX with him!), that one would have to assume she is mentally retarded or seriously mentally disturbed. Perhaps her most stupid behavior is in running around repeatedly with this guy when she is using the 'girls night out' excuse. She's with her work friends, she's in the town they live in, she's going to places where other people they know frequent. She's begging to be discovered.
Maybe the sequel will explain this level of stupidity. Perhaps it will end with "And then I saw the results of her IQ test: 79. Below the mental retardation level. Now I get it."

Nice Story About 2 People Who Have Issues That Make Them Crappy Partners

It happens, I liked the story despite the excessive violence.

GREED AND STUPIDITY

drawing the line and keeping it unbroken, TK U MLJ LV NV

Are some of you kidding?

This is a great story. It is plausable that a construction worker/ex Army Engineer would easily drop one of those primma donna martial arts pansies in a heartbeat. She failed the boyfriend test. If he would have married the trollop she would most certainly have failed the "husband test". She was a slut and Bill the martial arts douchebag was her accomplice. I liked it BECAUSE of the violence. Too many men these days, especially on this web site are shit on by their female partner and her boyfriends. Its about time we got a real hero!

I can promise you that the type of hand to hand training taught in the Army / Marines is more effective in close hand to hand than any gym rat black belt can handle.

MAYBE a Mixed MMA professional could deal with it but the Military teaches a MIXED form of martial arts that is EFFECTIVE at HURTING and STOPPING quickly.

See... the army doesn't train you in self-defence, it trains you to kill an enemy

And that is the difference.

rvws

If a man who doesn't have the guts to throw the first punch when he is clearly looking to pick a fight and is actually a big enough pussy to hit a woman under the "right" circumstances, is your definition of a hero, thank god there aren't more of them.

Seriously, this guy has no balls. He turns into a bitching simp when he and his girlfriend aren't exclusive just because she wanted to help out another of her boyfriends and he couldn't wait for a "date", and then, despite the whorish prima donna he turned into over THAT incident, he takes her back and decides to marry her. There's a word for that. It's called "spineless".

Enjoyed it

Would have loved more character development on the part of the woman. Thanks.

Hey anon 2/4/13

Can I have some of what your smoking?

Excellent

Jake did what he had to do. The only violence was initiated by the ex-girlfriends friend and he defended himself. She might not have had sex with her male friends but the potential was there. He ended the engagement and went on with his life. Sounds like a real life incident to me. Well done. Ch. 2? Why? We'll see...

Damn !!

Not another illiterate 'huedogg' ! 1*.

not another cuck loving retard

Not another illiterate 'huedogg' ! 1*......fuck that asswipe pussy whipped moron. We love huedogg, Irondragon and woodmanone.

another story dear annony reads and then biotches like a little fag

he is. Why not just leave it alone dumbass, no one want or cares what you think.

I don't understand my fellow man

When a gal cheats on you, if it gets to the point where you have to check on her, she isn't for you. Cut her loose, married or not. Walk away and count your blessings.

Stupid is as stupid does

Any one with an IQ over 60 wouldn't have continued with her after she showed him he was number ( insert number of friends boyfriends here) which she did early on.
So it's a tale of a whiny stupid cuckold who brought it on himself.

It seems, she was looking for the well dressed professional guy

not the alcoholic abuser who doubles as a bouncer.

Good start

We all need to know exactly what she was doing and why - we only know what it looked like and that it was wrong - he did the right thing at that point - now what??

Don't Understand It!

She cheated while they were dating, why would he take her back? I firmly believe that a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. Very, very rarely would her spots change. Everything that happened after the first time is his own fault. Love is a strong emotion but it cant go only one way. Thanks for an interesting story.

No wimps here.

Boy the cream pie crowd came out on this one. Alcoholic abuser and bouncer? Really? He defended himself, girls. Men don't fight with words and sometimes their fingernails like you girls do. She cheated, whether she fucked or not, she lied, she slipped around. No respect, no loyalty, no fiancé after all of that. That's how it works outside of soap operas Nancy. So, un-wad your panties and have your Mom heat up a hot pocket and pour some chocolate milk and bring it down to you so you can calm down. Good night, babies.

2*

why are your main characters all childish thugs with a drinking problem?

Why ask why?

Why are Wimps/Cucks allowed to comment anonymously? Jake wasn't a drunk (lol, drinking problem..chuckle), far from it nor was he a creampie eating wimp. He didn't start the fight but he sure as hell ended it. I suppose a Liberal, PC, Metrosexual would find a Man standing up for himself repugnant and really scary Hmmm?
For me, a excellent 5 STAR down to earth story of a guy with principles he wasn't willing to devalue for a cheating Fiancée.

No Second Chance

Normal people are on their "best" behavior when they are in the probationary period of a relationship. The fact that she cancelled a date with him to date someone else tells you all you need to know. She was using him. She was still casting about for something better. He was the back up plan. Deal with it, get over it, and move on. You do not have to wait forever, you do not have to find the "perfect" woman - most never do. You have to try to find a good "wife". Someone who will do her job and respect you for doing yours. Someone you can love and respect, and someone who will love you too. Loyalty is the ultimate test of love. What she looks like does not matter. I have seen beautiful women turn into ugly beasts in a matter of seconds when their true nature is exposed. I have also seen plain women grow beautiful as the depth of their character became known. If you get married, have children and really learn what love is all about you have succeeded! Even if the marriage eventually ends in divorce, if you have learned how to create love and share it with others you have made it!

SOMETIMES THOSE PINS SOUND LIKE A-BOMBS

and those sharp points can stick. TK U MLJ LV NV

Liked the tale

fuck the critics !