Dreams Really Do Come True Ch. 01

Excellent start

Thought this was a great start to a series. Cant wait to find out what happens with the Librarian!

Good Start

A good start for a first effort. Here are a few suggestions:

Instead of large thighs, say shapely thighs.

Instead of large butt cheeks, say full butt cheeks.

Instead of large breasts, say breasts.

I agree, a good start. You've done a nice job--

and I agree that toning down the crudities will make it even smoother. Your plot was good and leads well into another chapter, at least. Good planning. Keep it up.

Most of your English speaking/reading audience...

... hasn't got a clue as to what the Hell a "depanneur" is. A more generally used term, such as, "convenience store" would be more appropriately used here.

According to what I've been able to find out, that word is only used in Quebec or France. Most of your English speaking/reading audience are NOT from either location.

This one word throws the whole story off unless or until the reader stops and looks up the word to figure out just what you are talking about!

5 years and no continuation? Fuck why bother writing and posting one chapter if you have no intention of ever finishing.