"Chris never went down into the basement because he figured since his sister basically lived down there that it was as much her own house then his basement never went down unless he was invited, but there was a secret that the siblings shared and that was that his sister was a masochist and her brother was a sadist and they released it freely on each other, but it never got out of hand or to far into the "scene"."
One sentence. Eighty words. At least 10 spelling and grammar errors—and that’s being generous. Also, you don’t know Jack about the terminology. A masochist wants to experience pain and/or humiliation. A sadist wants to inflict pain and/or humiliation. In the case of this story, what you have is a submissive sister and her dominant brother. She wants to submit, and he wants to dominate. If she was a masochist, she’d be getting off on the pain he inflicts on her, not the act of submitting herself to him. And if he was a sadist, he’d be torturing her. Sticking his cock in her would be sexual to him not as way of stimulating his dick, but of causing her physical and/or mental anguish.
In other words, do some fucking research. And here’s an edited version of that obnoxiously long run-on sentence.
"Chris rarely went into the basement. He figured since his sister, Jessie, basically lived down there that it was just as much her house as ‘his’ basement, so Chris never came down unless he was invited. There was a secret, however, that the siblings shared. Chris liked to dominate women, and Jessie was submissive. They had explored their particular desires with each other, but had managed to not allow things to get out of hand or too far into ‘the scene’. Thus far."
by
Anonymous12/28/09
could have been
could have been a good story, but it became unreadable
becauce of the grammatical errors
by
Anonymous12/28/09
Incredible
Another illiterate moron who doesn't know the difference between "then" and "than." I should have known better than to start reading after this error appeared in the first line. Another couple of lines and I was gone. It is very difficult to believe someone can be so detached from reality.
Not bad, it gave me a chubby and I didn't even touch it.
by
Anonymous12/29/09
Oh. My. God.
Can you believe the idiotic critics who commented below regarding grammar. Bunch of gay fuckwits expecting Pulitzer prize winning material in a fucking porn site.
Are these losers for real? I mean sure, the editing was terrible and there were several typos all over the story, But for fuck's sake, it doesn't deserve the fucking beating these English professors gave it. Fucking softcocks.
I.E. Garbage category, it is fucking terrible and I'm not talking about grammar, the story is utter shit!
by
Anonymous01/18/15
Cant give it anymore than an ace
Trying to decipher this story seems worse then the torture she is getting
Take some time, proof read or find someone to do it for you
( She had yet to taste her own brother and a smirk began to grown on her lips, ) and this is only one of the many
English
You need an editor. Badly. Very badly.
"Chris never went down into the basement because he figured since his sister basically lived down there that it was as much her own house then his basement never went down unless he was invited, but there was a secret that the siblings shared and that was that his sister was a masochist and her brother was a sadist and they released it freely on each other, but it never got out of hand or to far into the "scene"."
One sentence. Eighty words. At least 10 spelling and grammar errors—and that’s being generous. Also, you don’t know Jack about the terminology. A masochist wants to experience pain and/or humiliation. A sadist wants to inflict pain and/or humiliation. In the case of this story, what you have is a submissive sister and her dominant brother. She wants to submit, and he wants to dominate. If she was a masochist, she’d be getting off on the pain he inflicts on her, not the act of submitting herself to him. And if he was a sadist, he’d be torturing her. Sticking his cock in her would be sexual to him not as way of stimulating his dick, but of causing her physical and/or mental anguish.
In other words, do some fucking research. And here’s an edited version of that obnoxiously long run-on sentence.
"Chris rarely went into the basement. He figured since his sister, Jessie, basically lived down there that it was just as much her house as ‘his’ basement, so Chris never came down unless he was invited. There was a secret, however, that the siblings shared. Chris liked to dominate women, and Jessie was submissive. They had explored their particular desires with each other, but had managed to not allow things to get out of hand or too far into ‘the scene’. Thus far."
could have been
could have been a good story, but it became unreadable
becauce of the grammatical errors
Incredible
Another illiterate moron who doesn't know the difference between "then" and "than." I should have known better than to start reading after this error appeared in the first line. Another couple of lines and I was gone. It is very difficult to believe someone can be so detached from reality.
Not bad
Not bad, it gave me a chubby and I didn't even touch it.
Oh. My. God.
Can you believe the idiotic critics who commented below regarding grammar. Bunch of gay fuckwits expecting Pulitzer prize winning material in a fucking porn site.
Are these losers for real? I mean sure, the editing was terrible and there were several typos all over the story, But for fuck's sake, it doesn't deserve the fucking beating these English professors gave it. Fucking softcocks.
A good story line but a little rough on spots
Just a little rough in spots, but all in all it's a good story. It just needs a little editing. Thanks
rreally?
Are you people really reading it for gramatical errors? seriously..who cares about the grammar.. get past that and move on to the story.
Keep at it.
I liked the content and style of your work, but, as others have commented, the grammar in the text needs work.
This is a site that deals with literature - no matter the topic we write about - and so your work should be properly written.
To do otherwise distracts many readers and takes away from all that you, the author, wish to convey.
wrong area
should have been in the bdsm area not incest
Should have been in another category
I.E. Garbage category, it is fucking terrible and I'm not talking about grammar, the story is utter shit!
Cant give it anymore than an ace
Trying to decipher this story seems worse then the torture she is getting
Take some time, proof read or find someone to do it for you
( She had yet to taste her own brother and a smirk began to grown on her lips, ) and this is only one of the many
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