Far too short a story, but far from the worst I have read on the site
by
Anonymous03/16/14
More details please
I like how you've managed to keep the plot true to the title, unlike many pieces on the website. Other stories simply move on to intense fingering and breast-massages and because you didnt go that far, I would recommend this.
What you could've done better here is to add more detail and descriptives. To start off, give some description of the surroundings, the aroma and the warmth of the sponge-bath mixing with the cool air inside the room. Other details could obviously be about the plot. You could spent a paragraph or two before moving onto the buttocks and even spent another additional para with the butts.
I hope this gave some idea as to what it missed out on. I'm not a great erotic story writer, but I've read plenty and noticed the above with the highly rated ones so.
English
Good Read
Good read. Sounds almost plausible.
Too Short
Far too short a story, but far from the worst I have read on the site
More details please
I like how you've managed to keep the plot true to the title, unlike many pieces on the website. Other stories simply move on to intense fingering and breast-massages and because you didnt go that far, I would recommend this.
What you could've done better here is to add more detail and descriptives. To start off, give some description of the surroundings, the aroma and the warmth of the sponge-bath mixing with the cool air inside the room. Other details could obviously be about the plot. You could spent a paragraph or two before moving onto the buttocks and even spent another additional para with the butts.
I hope this gave some idea as to what it missed out on. I'm not a great erotic story writer, but I've read plenty and noticed the above with the highly rated ones so.
Good luck :)
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