You had the potential to produce a unique type of story. But no! You had to use bad spelling, terrible dialogue script (which seems to have righted itself past halfway), wavering between first and third person, mixing language registers - "normal" and slang/colloquial (S/C). (S/C is allowed in dialogue but NOT text, unless you use first person narrative) and using meaningless sentences that did not fit with the general flow of the story.
Sorry to sound like a teacher harshly correcting a student's work, but you needed EDITING, severely at that!
With all these overwhelming problems, I just could not get excited with your story!
by
Anonymous02/02/10
Sorry...
This was so badly written that it was just impossible to read.
by
Anonymous02/02/10
Good premise gone bad.
This really had a potential for a great story. Trying to read it was like listening to a scratchy radio with a bad speaker. I couldn't get over the bad spelling and grammer. You should get someone to proof your writing before submitting it for publishing. Next story should be much better. I hope that it is.
by
Anonymous02/02/10
Has a chance with more work
HI there, this is a good story, It seems you have the punctuation down pretty good, spelling is good too, but It seems LIT will let things go
through as long as the story is somewhat gramaticly proper.
With work on dialogue though, The story could be great.
Once I got past the fact that punctuation isn't your forte, the story itself wasn't half bad. Incest isn't my thing. I'm all about the shoes, hun.
You also had a lot going on throughout the story. You need to concentrate on one thing and do it well before moving on to the next step.
A really good, patient editor might be able to help you out, but you also have to learn as you go along in order to make their job easier, too. The idea of using an editor is to get better at your writing and make their job obsolete. I don't think you will find one that will hold your hand forever, unless it's Auntie Helen wearing her half glasses.
Here is my personal note about your other public comments: If someone is going to complain about spelling and grammar in a story, they should know how to spell grammar.
English
Godawfulstuff!
You had the potential to produce a unique type of story. But no! You had to use bad spelling, terrible dialogue script (which seems to have righted itself past halfway), wavering between first and third person, mixing language registers - "normal" and slang/colloquial (S/C). (S/C is allowed in dialogue but NOT text, unless you use first person narrative) and using meaningless sentences that did not fit with the general flow of the story.
Sorry to sound like a teacher harshly correcting a student's work, but you needed EDITING, severely at that!
With all these overwhelming problems, I just could not get excited with your story!
Sorry...
This was so badly written that it was just impossible to read.
Good premise gone bad.
This really had a potential for a great story. Trying to read it was like listening to a scratchy radio with a bad speaker. I couldn't get over the bad spelling and grammer. You should get someone to proof your writing before submitting it for publishing. Next story should be much better. I hope that it is.
Has a chance with more work
HI there, this is a good story, It seems you have the punctuation down pretty good, spelling is good too, but It seems LIT will let things go
through as long as the story is somewhat gramaticly proper.
With work on dialogue though, The story could be great.
Good Theme
Shoeslayer,
Once I got past the fact that punctuation isn't your forte, the story itself wasn't half bad. Incest isn't my thing. I'm all about the shoes, hun.
You also had a lot going on throughout the story. You need to concentrate on one thing and do it well before moving on to the next step.
A really good, patient editor might be able to help you out, but you also have to learn as you go along in order to make their job easier, too. The idea of using an editor is to get better at your writing and make their job obsolete. I don't think you will find one that will hold your hand forever, unless it's Auntie Helen wearing her half glasses.
Here is my personal note about your other public comments: If someone is going to complain about spelling and grammar in a story, they should know how to spell grammar.
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