Have no words to describe your fictional(I hope)character.Your writing was structuraly sound and well put together so I gave you a 50%.I could go no farther than that cause I just frankly hated the character.
It just didn't quite work. But good luck with you other stories. I do think your character should really stop getting married though.
by
Anonymous01/16/10
Very funny
This was very funny. Those previous posters who missed the humor in this missed the story.
Don't fret, Andtheend, for someone to hate your character, means that you moved them.
Good job.
by
Anonymous01/16/10
It had moments.
The humor was there and it was obvious, but trying to make a joke in almost every sentence was too much. If you had been a bit more subtle, it would have worked better. It also seemed a bit disjointed and had no flow.
by
Anonymous01/16/10
To:Missed the humor
How could anyone have missed the humor? I felt battered to pieces by it, it was fuckin relentless, and so in the end it failed. Good effort, great last para.
fast paced humorous and short. Well written and a funny ending. Thanks
by
Anonymous01/16/10
To "very funny" Anon
You bet I was moved all right, moved into almost screaming being irritated at the humor. Way too much humor. I can see why this guy had three wives, he is not only arrogant but a complete asshole. This guy deserved the kind of wives he had.Since when is gambling more important than a cruise, and since when is his cheating all right and hers is not. Humor yes, but way overdone, making it a less enjoyable read. ML
by
Anonymous01/16/10
Coulda been a contender.
Good premise, great writing; but your "hero" was such an asshole, he deserves to be single. All I know for sure is that after three wives, he won't have two nickels to gamble with.
by
Anonymous01/16/10
Kidding, right?
Absolutely nonsensical!
by
Anonymous01/16/10
Very funny
Anybody who didn't like this story is not from NJ or NY.
I can type and laugh at the same time. The tongue-in-cheek humor was beautiful. If this was based in part from something in your own life, it's very clear that you are over the hump on recovery. Good job, but not your best. 4/5.
Great humorous tale. Pity LIT doesn't have a 'Couples Who Deserve Each Other' section! AKA the 'Lets Play Russian Roulette With An Automatic' category!
and funny.... loved this story and the way it was told.... can't live without them, that's the truth!
What happened to the girl friend he referred to earlier?
English
I....I....
Have no words to describe your fictional(I hope)character.Your writing was structuraly sound and well put together so I gave you a 50%.I could go no farther than that cause I just frankly hated the character.
Nice try.
It just didn't quite work. But good luck with you other stories. I do think your character should really stop getting married though.
Very funny
This was very funny. Those previous posters who missed the humor in this missed the story.
Don't fret, Andtheend, for someone to hate your character, means that you moved them.
Good job.
It had moments.
The humor was there and it was obvious, but trying to make a joke in almost every sentence was too much. If you had been a bit more subtle, it would have worked better. It also seemed a bit disjointed and had no flow.
To:Missed the humor
How could anyone have missed the humor? I felt battered to pieces by it, it was fuckin relentless, and so in the end it failed. Good effort, great last para.
waste of ink
waste of ink
waste of ink
waste of ink
satire at the least
fast paced humorous and short. Well written and a funny ending. Thanks
To "very funny" Anon
You bet I was moved all right, moved into almost screaming being irritated at the humor. Way too much humor. I can see why this guy had three wives, he is not only arrogant but a complete asshole. This guy deserved the kind of wives he had.Since when is gambling more important than a cruise, and since when is his cheating all right and hers is not. Humor yes, but way overdone, making it a less enjoyable read. ML
Coulda been a contender.
Good premise, great writing; but your "hero" was such an asshole, he deserves to be single. All I know for sure is that after three wives, he won't have two nickels to gamble with.
Kidding, right?
Absolutely nonsensical!
Very funny
Anybody who didn't like this story is not from NJ or NY.
forced, not that funny lines.....
....become a battering ram indeed.But different.
what a basher
a good read entertaining and very real loved it!
It's a good thing...
I can type and laugh at the same time. The tongue-in-cheek humor was beautiful. If this was based in part from something in your own life, it's very clear that you are over the hump on recovery. Good job, but not your best. 4/5.
Been there, wish I'd said that!
Great humorous tale. Pity LIT doesn't have a 'Couples Who Deserve Each Other' section! AKA the 'Lets Play Russian Roulette With An Automatic' category!
Nice
Great change of pace. It's good to laugh once in a while.
Brilliant
and funny.... loved this story and the way it was told.... can't live without them, that's the truth!
What happened to the girl friend he referred to earlier?
i just chuckled all the way though
i can relate to it lol -----5
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