All Comments on 'Bad Dreams Ch. 01'

I mean it is okay, you jump around a lot. One minute she's on the phone hanging up and the next she's in the office, filing things away. Slow it down a lot. And her thoughts...something about her thoughts but I can't explain it really.

And it is not long enough. So when you slow it down and add more details you'll be suprised at how much longer it actually is.

But keep writing, I want to see what happens with her and her green eyed wolf/Mr Boss man? lol

Not a bad way to start... but like the other person commented. Slow it down. When she was hanging up the phone... you should have somehow clearly wrote down that she was heading to work.

Normally, you would just use '.....' when trying to show her thoughts or sometimes i have seen people putting a person's thoughts in italics. But don't give up. Just take in the comments and try to improve. Your doing well for your first story. :)

You possibly have a good story here, its just a little difficult to tell because you have rushed it too much. Slow it down, develop the characters a bit more - it feels like you are trying to cram a 10 chapter story into 1 :)

The story has me wanting more but the story telling is getting in the way. You need to 'take the reader with you' and not expect the reader to be thinking your way, having your thoughts, knowing where you are going.

good base for a story good beginning but just one thing you change between I as in you are Adelia and she as her being a seperate character. and most of the time you did it in the same sentence. very confusing. try to be consistent.

to you first series, hope to catch up after reading your first chapter. I was impressed with the way you started out. The description of the ground beneath Adalia's feet at the beginning was so well described I was hoping the rest of the chapter would be good. Well all I can say is I'm going to chapter two right now!