A Different Kind Of Revenge

Flip-flop, anyone?

Your story had all sorts of potential, and could have gone in any direction you might have wanted. However, I have to voice my displeasure with how you got from Point A to Point B - specifically, that you really didn't put any effort into developing the story line so that the reconciliation at the end actually made sense.

Please keep in mind (though I shouldn't have to tell you this, since you were the one who wrote the story in the first place): your hero has reached such a point that he has decided to go for vengeance, and is going to do so in a singularly-Machiavellian way...he's going to sentence his wife to the hell of a loveless marriage. By any stretch of the imagination, this means that he's written off the relationship, and now has decided that all he really has going for him is revenge. So why on Earth would this change in any way, shape or form? More importantly, why would it be even the slightest bit believable for this change to happen in a matter of the 72 hours between Friday evening and Monday evening?

What makes fiction of any sort readable is the author's ability to get those who read his or her work to suspend their disbelief. You need to create a world in which the characters are going to react and respond in a manner which is consistent with the world around them. You're the author; you get to choose what the particular conditions of that world are...but you had better choose well, because it's when the characters deviate from that world that the entire work falls apart.

...and that is what happened here.

Put some extra effort into explaining what steps Clara continues to take to both change her ways and become the wife she should have been. Explore Jim's conflict as he feels the temptation to give in from his previous stance of vengeance. Relish the opportunities to depict not only the forward progress these two make, but also the setbacks which they encounter. There is plenty of potential here for you to exploit. Just make sure that it gets the reader logically from one point to the next.

not going to happen

it has been almost three years since this one and six and a half since the one before it, never going to see a continuation of this.

why write a story if you wont bother finishing it?

Why the fuck would anyone write a story if they dont plan to finish it? It says end of part one at the end, where is part two? What kind of a sadist would do this? Shame on the author.

FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!! FINISH YOUR FUCKING STORIES, THIS IS THE 5TH I HAVE READ THAT SAID END OF PART ONE, DON'T FUCKING WRITE AND SUBMIT A STORY YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF EVER FINISHING!

... FORSAKING ALL OTHERS IS NOT A SEPARATE VOW...

........forsaking all others is conditional...a spouse must uphold all other vows to merit this....and also acknowledged is, that marriage is viewed as an exclusive and unique intimacy between a husband and wife.....in general this being symbolized as sex...but for purpose should be a defined relationship between the parties so defining themselves as being married..... so he was not wrong in redefining their recognition of intimacy as in name and perception of the(for lack of better term) public and peers

People who write in all caps are retarded

Please never finish your stories to piss him off.

Nice start

It does have the ability to stand on its own - but a finish would have been nice lolk

Don't think so

He's the all powerful, all seeing Mr. Magic? Divorce the stupid husband and move away. What? He has worldwide connections? Inform the authorities of his threats and see if he really wants to spend the rest of his life in jail. He's blowing hot air.

Call him stubborn. Call him a want a be martyr

no my friend, i would call you an idiot.

Slightly amazed.

I did not take the score but feel the 'nay-sayers' who have not made any submission are in the majority.
The negative 'anony-mouses' also seem to be in the majority.
All I can say to all of these so cogent critics that if you know so much get your hands on the keyboard. instead of your selfish parts, and also get off your butts and show us what good you are.
Remember we are reading fantasy.

Answer seems obvious

Inform family and friends, arrange to move or ask for witness protection program and move all family then have him spend a long long time in prison. Since he isn't some wealthy guy that has an endless supply of money the story would be done.
Just not a plausible threat or story.

huge flaw in plot

Divorce would mean admitting failure and also breaking the vows he made before family, friends, his priest and most of all God.
Like God blames the victims of rape, murder, and adultery:"oh you bad soul I'll send you to hell for being a victim!".... err see what i mean,,the vows in marriage last as long as they are not broken by either party, but once they are the victim is free of any vows.PS dont let a priest or whatever tell you different that's them just trying to get more money.

Thank goodness you stopped

Writing.

I DONT THINK HE HAS FORGOTTEN THE PHRASE

about Once a cheater, Always trust and verify, TK U MLJ LV NV

thank you for not writing anymore.

Good little story

Thanks Rob a good little story of a husband who took action when he was wronged ie not a wimp. I like happy endings more than the btb endings from other writers so thanks and dont listen to the haters they spew their vile hate on here daily just keep writing!

what?

Maybe god would say that he was released from his vows but Jim's integrity said no way. Just another way to show his character. Good job

Damn

Read it again. No hope.

A very good means to keep the marriage. now that she's no longer employed there, The Company should be informed of the indescretions and a packet of pics delivered to Jed's wife. with clara's face hidden. with a small note attached stating; "Just to let you know."

Fuck your shit story dude. -5

Well that didn't work.

This guy wants to paint a picture of him being omnipresent and all powerful. Who does he think he is? Head of the Mafia? Don't make me laugh. Get an attorney. Go to the Police. Get a divorce and get half or more. All done. Anyone gets hurt he goes to jail forever and you get ALL the resources which means he isn't hurting a cockroach from jail. Even for fiction this storyline was garbage. A "1".

purely fctional

that is how I read it, and enjoyed for what it is. 3 stars

A good start but a real let down.....

"It was becoming boring and she had begun to feel cheap."

DUH? When you have an affair, YOU ARE CHEAP.

He's already messed up badly in my opinion. Do exactly as he started, but never EVER touch her again. Not ever, for any reason. And when she slips, just a hair, make sure someone dies. Force her to live in a loveless marriage until she dies, which preferably, will be by her own hand.

I can understand a husband saying no to divorce and living separate lives

in the same house (At least until he is ready to do something else.). But I can't understand why he would want her to sleep in the same bed. He should enjoy an open marriage, irrespective of what she decides to do. My former wife and talked about doing that, but I had a better offer elsewhere.

AN AGE OLD QUESTION

Are Snowballs Better Than NO-BALLS, TK U MLJ LV NV

Take the money and run

What is he? All seeing and all knowing? She should grab every penney and move far, far away. Hire and attorney before she leaves and leave a deposition about his threats. If anyone in her family is hurt, he's going to jail. And she'll be free. A nice, but implausible story. Besides, why would he want to stay with her anyway? To punish her for cheating? That has to be the stupidest idea yet. Who's he punishing more?

End of Part 1

Is there a part 2?

No part 2??...

...Good thing you do not write for a living - you would starve...

Wasn't better for this be only 1 part?

Wasn't better for this be only 1 part? I don't see the need for part 2...But the writer choosed to say that would be part 2....the question is: where is it?

Uh huh... so it goes something like this...?

"I'm going to punish you for the rest of the time that both of us are alive by never ever EVER E.V.E.R. EVER! loving you again... you know, unless maybe you immediately quit your job and dump your lover and fix my meals and just generally behave like a loving wife should... otherwise I mean it, I sure do.........."

"Oh, by the way, don't worry, I will at no point think that you're doing this just to keep me from killing your entire family off because who would think that a person would be sly enough to ACT all loving to save their family? What sense would that make...? Even though you should realistically worry every single day that I'll get hit by a bus, choke on a chicken bone, have a fatal heart attack or countless other legitimate ways of honestly dying before canceling the en masse hits."

Yeah, so she SAYS she knew he had a rough upbringing and is fairly certain he WILL carry through on his promise........ and yet....... she felt safe enough to screw around on him...??

REALLY

Ok so where the hell is part 2 or are the readers suppose to try and guess what the hell happens. What bothers the fuck out of me is all of you wanna be authors that leave a story like this without an ending. If you didn't have an ending in sight why did you attempt to write the frigging story in the first place. Well if you ever decide to give the readers the second part of this story maybe then I'll give it a rating. Because at this point I would have it somewhere in the neighborhood of a minus 3