All Comments on 'The Club'

You have a potentially very interesting story building here, however it is very difficult to read. Right now, the sheer number and length of run-on sentences is overwhelming. Please, seek out an editor to help you with this and re-post the story. Like I said, I see potential for it and would very much enjoy reading The Club, and any future chapters, once they are properly edited.

did not realise i was submitting an english essay :)