All Comments on 'Embracing Them'

by vrosej10

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  • 2 Comments
WickedEveWickedEveabout 14 years ago
~

Good poem but it needs to be tightened up some. Here's a quick rewrite to give you an idea of other ways to handle the poem. Hope you find some of it useful.

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Mice live small lives,

groom their tails, like eating corn.

I guess they love each other

because they sleep in little piles.

Mice live small lives

with risk of attachment, but I watch them pair up

for a run on the wheel and realize

that all our attachments are finite.

I will love them for all their small lives

or risk loving no one.

Esperanza_HidalgoEsperanza_Hidalgoabout 14 years ago
I think

the comparison in the last line is strong Rose.

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