But I suggest you be a little more careful with editing. For example, “the first volt hit me” jarred because it didn't make sense. The same with, “ stars and tiny lights that were before our eyes in the midst.”
I don't mean to be discouraging because you have a fresh bracing style that you need to develop, but you must not rush into submitting until you have had time to polish. I hope to see plenty more from you. Write me if you want more detailed suggesting about editing.
English
Another great one.
You know just how much I enjoyed it. Oooohhh
if only ................
This story isn't just description-even a capitol D doesn't do it justice. Very well done.
I thought it was an excellent job of writing. You managed to exude a sense of feeling in placing the reader right in the room.
Walloping great ride
But I suggest you be a little more careful with editing. For example, “the first volt hit me” jarred because it didn't make sense. The same with, “ stars and tiny lights that were before our eyes in the midst.”
I don't mean to be discouraging because you have a fresh bracing style that you need to develop, but you must not rush into submitting until you have had time to polish. I hope to see plenty more from you. Write me if you want more detailed suggesting about editing.
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