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Bobby's Ring Ch. 01

byLiteroticaFirstTimer©
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Comments (3)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous02/21/10

Great start!

If I may offer a suggestion, elongate your chapters, but keep their number to a minimum - 3, or 4 is plenty. Anything more than that will lose the interest of your audience.

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by C_frommn02/22/10

Good Start

Cant wait to see where Bobby and his Ring go from here and will he Find himself wanting to keep the Ring instead of returning it?

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by Anonymous02/22/10

Not Bad

Not bad, though hardly original. The writing could use some improvement but is acceptable. Except for that first sentence. You should really consider rewriting it; break it into at least two sentences. It's the first look your readers get of your story and as it stands now, it isn't very attractive.

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