All Comments on 'Kallie Discovers a New World Ch. 02'

You fucked up a bad story, thats not easy, I'll skip you from now on.

You have a very strange idea of entertaining people if that is what you really think this is. The first chapter was bad, but being curious I thought I would read the second part. I'm sorry I did so. I will skip anything you write if you write like this.

As I have stated I am new to this. Thanks for the wonderful and insightful replys, I mean they really show your intellectual sides.

perhaps "ironwill" is not quite apropos of your identity. You invite trouble when patience is posted patients. One is a behavior, the other a group receiving medical care.

So far you've introduced two women who seem to have absolutely no moral filters without giving us the slightest reason to accept this. Two best friends so totaling oblivious to the others activities is really hard to accept. A happy housewife goes super slut within the span of a couple of hours - say what? Her best friend, who is happily being the sex slave of her husband - is now fisting her in a public restroom - just like that - is the daughter next? To which I simply ask of the author WHY WHY WHY.

If you want to be on the receiving end of serious comments and critique - you have to make a real effort to write a real story. Somewhere here your story has to have some sense of believability - that this could actually happen - so far you've fallen a wee bit short.

Don't stop writing, but do stop and find a way to tell us - your readers - one or two good, coherent reasons (husband as idiot doesn't explain the women's behavior) why these supposedly normal people have suddenly gone so very far afield.

Ok now that is what I meant, and its much appreciated.

Yes I should have proofed again so for that I am sorry.

In this chapter I attempted to step back and give more of a back story. Which it appears did not work. But your comments are useful and help provide some direction.

Instead of starting over I will see if I can approve it. Or just start another one. Also, I find about 90% of the stories here overall to not be "believable" But will work towards that more. I have personally know both men and women with really no moral fiber that basically lived two different lives, that friends etc.. may have been unaware of. So from that stand point I do disagree some. Now building in the "why" does make sense.

I have zero issue with people being critical, but just being and ass really just makes the person posting the idiotic comment look, well exactly that.

Anyways I have some other ideas I will explore, or post them to a different site or start my own site. I plan on still posting here, but also realize there are just some people unable to have a civil conversation.

This is a good first effort. Keep it up.

then they would have at least a small storyline. but other than that and even as fantasy , you don't think to far. to bad man don't have more blood in their bodies, when you have a hard on I guess there is nothing left for your brain. the same thing with your women characters they seem to have no brain at all. so you also show pretty strong tendecies to be a virtual paedophilic where the kids have to take the shit what their parents do for fun. hey I know this is fantasy but every adult at least where I grew up sees the instant konsequences that will follow. so only stupid or reckless people can enjoy something like that. I give a shit what adults do for fun as long as nobody is hurt. you give a shit about everything and think sex is like eating a sandwich.

Feel better?

Is I didn't find this erotic or a turn on at all. I would not want to know any of these people so that makes for hard reading, no thanks.

Keep on writing , You have a great imagination, relax and give us more stories.....

I used to do stuff of a similar order. I wound up with a deeply loving wife. And she likes to watch. A LOT. She says it makes her desire for me intense.

So yeah. If you do stuff like this there are consequences.

Keep writing. I look forward to your next installment.

no emotional content, arghhhhhhh such a waste

Just more stupidity.

Cheating bitch keeps going.