Lil Girl Works Her Magic Ch. 01

A sweet moment!

Well captured by this excellent writer.

You

You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you

This kind of writing sucks. Do it in 1st or 3rd person. Ok, you?

GOOD

Personally I liked it! I'm really wet! Ready for more!

Thank you!

I appreciate the feedback! I do recognize that 2nd person is usually a no no, but I really liked it in this story. For me, it played on the father's denial; it created space between himself and acknowledging himself in those acts. I do understand and appreciate some will see it as an epic fail, but I promise it isn't a habit i will use often.

I really liked it. No, it's not what I do, but I can appreciate the effort and mindset needed to do it in the manner you chose.

I have no problem reading a second person story, so I don't see what all the fuss is about. I liked the plot, as well as the slow buildup- something else i prefer. Thank you, for a good read.

2nd Person

Second person rarely works. Try first or third.

what was this story supposed to be ? ? ? ? ?

besides the poor choice of second person mode for telling the story . . what was this story supposed to be about . . the title "Lil Girl" implies it is going to be about "Daddy/lil girl" . . a delightful D/s variant (which I have enjoyed both online and r/t) . . or was it supposed to be an incest story ? . . you start it off making it sounds like the girl had to sneak off (run away?) to see her own dad, like she is a minor . . . . . . this story more looks like it was just intended to be a short little stroke story that an attempt at a plot was added as an afterthought . . . .

Nice Set - Up

Now we will se how the rest of the Story Go's

Get an editor. Learn to write in something either than present tense.