Good story, but you constantly switch back and forth between first and third person; often in the same sentence. Pick a viewpoint and stick with it! This is disrracting.
by
Anonymous03/11/10
Great story.
I really enjoy this story & I hope you will continue to write more of it. I for one do not care if you it you switch form first person to second or third.
by
Anonymous03/11/10
yes i agree with the anonymous person above. You keep saying "I" but then say "your" this is very distracting and also confusing so please stick with either first person or third person. Other than that the story is great and can't wait for more to come.
English
Get a 'point of view'
Good story, but you constantly switch back and forth between first and third person; often in the same sentence. Pick a viewpoint and stick with it! This is disrracting.
Great story.
I really enjoy this story & I hope you will continue to write more of it. I for one do not care if you it you switch form first person to second or third.
yes i agree with the anonymous person above. You keep saying "I" but then say "your" this is very distracting and also confusing so please stick with either first person or third person. Other than that the story is great and can't wait for more to come.
I Agree
It's either a straight forward story told by "dad" or as told by Dad to someone else.
the Use of I,Me,Your is Confusing but its a Decent start.
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